First off, this platform is fantastic and I truly appreciate all the active fishies sharing their time / advice / perspective, especially considering all the diff walks of life - thank you!

Thoughts on how to be approachable and friendly at work while still being assertive and respected?

I keep running into the struggle or one or the other - be friendly - make work friends but get taken adv of - or hold your ground, no one messes with you but you also end up alone (lunch / HH / water cooler)

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Same issue here. Someone actually filed a complaint against me saying I’m not approachable and cold. I know I have RBF but I’m seriously the nicest person.

Some things I’ve done is hosted potlucks, I go out of my way to say good morning to all of my staff and goodnight at the end of the day. I give out small gifts for Christmas and tell people happy birthday when I know it’s their birthdays. I buy doughnuts for the office and other treats, etc. I’m working on interacting with everyone just to ask about their day. I’m trying really hard.

I do hold people accountable and follow through with discipline when necessary and put their job performance issues on evaluations.

Really I don’t think there’s any winning when you’re the boss. Someone always is going to have a problem with you.

I take my lunch breaks in my office and take a nap. 😂 I’ve always been kind of a loner though so I don’t really mind that. Don’t make friends at work, you can’t trust people.

likehelpful

I’m an introvert too. But I was also a bartender for 10 years (side gig) so I can put on my social hat and pretend like I’m not lol. No matter what you do, just remember these people aren’t your friends.

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I haven't figured out how to win but I think it's because the rules keep changing. If I'm approachable or collaborative, I'm deemed to be soft/want to be nice/am worried about what people think. None of these are true, I usually have good reasons for using that style. If I maintain boundaries and communicate clearly, then I'm asked if I'm okay/having a tough time/stressed about my workload.

I'm not wildly swinging from one manner to the other, just testing out some styles with people who didn't like the initial approach. There is no way to keep everyone happy.

I genuinely find if you're approachable and meet people half way, you will get much better quality work from them. But the culture where I work pretends to be about boundaries whilst actully pushing employees back so that they dont need management involved in any day to day.

I find myself using one style with direct reports and peers I need to collaborate with and another style when managing up so I can show I'm in control "just like them" Then, whenever they don't get the same results by barking a one line directive at people, I am considered a mid-level employee whisperer.

It's all about adapting to the room you're in.

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I think there is a fine balance. If you feel you are being taking advantage because you have made people feel “too comfortable” or made them feel that you are more of a personal “friend” then that probably means that you are blurring the lines too much instead of limiting your interactions to just being “professionally approachable”. You need to start adjusting the way you interact and take a step back in those relationships to start establishing some boundaries and resetting expectations. This could be done tactfully.. and the important piece is consistency across all relationships so people sees you as someone approachable, open, someone that considers all views before making a call. If you try to be overly friendly and please everyone then it will be hard to shift dynamics. How you do it depends on who you are interacting with and what’s being discussed.

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Be yourself. Have integrity and be consistently fair. Employ Servant Leadership. If you are not respected or liked by the team, then you may exhibit negative behaviors you aren't aware of OR you have a team that lacks emotional intelligence.

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👍

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