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Longest dry spell? Single people only!
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Talk to a lawyer first
Consult a lawyer but typically this behavior is viewed very negatively in family court, because yes it is petty… if you take $50k out of joint accounts that will be adjusted during the final asset division. If anything, I would withdraw up to 50% and moving it to an account in your own name but again talk to a lawyer as this is all varies.
Reminder that you have a prenup no matter what - it’s the state prenup for the you were married in or the one you negotiated (assuming you live in the US).
If you’re a good partner, losing you will be enough pain. There is more peace in taking care of yourself and focusing on moving forward than there ever will be in looking backwards or trying to do something to even the score. I’m sorry you’re going through this - lean on your friends and find a therapist if you don’t have one already.
What’s your end game? If you take the cash then divorce, courts will look poorly on you. I am sorry for what you’re going through.
Were there issues going on outside of the cheating? Did you feel like you both were solid? There’s obviously a lack of trust now but do you feel like you still know him as a person? If there’s any connection there, I feel like it warrants a conversation to determine why this person you care about would do something so hurtful and betray you/your marriage. That being said, I agree you should speak to a lawyer first if divorce is on your mind.
Take half, and put a big tack under his tyre. Tell him, watch as he can’t leave without acting like a mechanic. As he bends over doing the tyre put your pointiest stilettos on and accidentally tread on his fingers on the driveway.
Go back in and call a locksmith while he looks for the locking wheel nut, change the door lock and pop the chilling champagne and **** the locksmith.
Just FYI: we've been together for five years, married three, no kids to worry about.
It’s a bit crazy to just tell strangers on the internet this….
Strangers who don't know me, and can't find out who I am. So venting and asking questions here is safe?
Confront him first.
Rising Star
You run the risk of him wiping out the account if you tell him first. Agree with talking to an attorney first before doing anything.
As someone who worked in the bank before, joint accounts mean both people can withdraw and deposit from it at anytime. So it's not best to impulsively withdraw money and transfer in your own accounts when the other person can beat you to the punch. I'd get an attorney, gather documents and texts showing proof of cheating, then proceed from there. And if I were you, try connecting with eye witnesses to get their side of things. You never know who is willing to talk.