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26 F Gujarati, looking for someone in Chicago!
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Oh this is my favorite topic where I have strong polarizing views.
My definition of being a nice guy growing up - study well, be educated, stable, respect people, respect your girl, her family, encourage her to follow her dreams, be loving, caring - And I thought you were already a very nice guy - probably a guy I’d want to be with if I was a girl or for my sister. Fully understand and appreciate that people can have different choices. By that very lens - I always had very good relationships back when I was in India. Honestly, probably the reality is that maybe there weren’t enough of those guys out there so I wasn’t anything special but I was maybe different than others.
Fast forward to the US - All the above qualities are table stakes. On top of that, you need to have fourth nine different hobbies - be cool, have the most amazing personality, have very specific interests that match the other person, have a great job, look the fittest possible, etc.
There are several reasons why this is happening:
1. Men:Women ratio is skewed. Probably double digits:1. I don’t blame anyone for being picky when they have the option to. Everyone would. If we turn the tables, I am sure even men would.
2. The concept of online dating has a fundamental flaw. Human beings feel they always have another option and they will keep finding that option.
3. The average women in US is very smart, and independent. I have been point blank asked, “What value add can I add her in my life?”. In my opinion, no human adds very tangible value add to the other human’s life. It is intangible things such as emotional codependency, affection, love, care. However, our world is moving towards more transactional nature of relationships.
Well, look, I am sure women have their share of issues with Indian men just like D1 pointed. This is why dating is hard.
As for me, I am no expert. If I was, I won’t be single. All I want is a loving, caring, and a smart girl - I don’t care if she is the most attractive, most educated, extremely rich, and has a green card. I am hoping one day someone will come by.
Bcg1- Wow! One of the best responses I read on this bowl. Very impressive. Let’s get married! 😀😍
Desi female here. What you said in the first half + chemistry, values, positive attitude, and an open mind to differing opinions.
You are an exception my friend! :)
I think it depends on the girl. For me what you wrote first.. and chemistry is important. Not the legal immigration bit. But for other girls it may be different.
And the situation isn’t just limited to girls. I’ll see guys on student/work visas with their partner profiles set to citizens or green card holders as well. So it it goes both way for sure.
My guess is that because immigration is a hassle and maybe some people see this as an added benefit 🤷🏻♀️ Kinda like people looking to marry rich people.
I see your point. I feel for me chemistry is paramount (obviously with - kindness & ambition).
I guess with a society like this, I’m destined to be single for a long time unless I stop chasing ideal scenarios.
Dating is a market place at the moment, everyone has a right to go for what they think is important. As an average looking woman, I know i am not the choice for many men out there and they have every right to not want to be with me. Similarly, as a smart woman, I have every right to choose a man that adds most value to my life. For some it could be green card, coz it gives them stability and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
*agree M1
True belief in equality - Actions, not just words.