Heard this today and it cracked me up all day…

Person 1: “If I have to come in tomorrow, I’m going to off myself”
Person 2: “That’s why they call it an Off-ice”

What are some other stellar dad jokes you’ve heard? 😂

I've been trying to get my foot in the door with TikTok by creating a series of content that has never been seen before.

But it's hard for me to get views because I don't know how to use SEO or social media marketing effectively.

I’m moving to Denver with my husband and cat from Dallas. We are 39 and 40. No kids, we will both be working from home. The idea is to rent for a year and see if we like it. I’m interested in the nature opportunities and I’m in ok shape. Otherwise we are homebodies but committed to making the most of our time there within reason. His sister and family live in the Central Park neighborhood but we don’t have to be around there necessarily. Where should we be looking?

I’ve been getting into a healthier routine and make a meal replacement smoothie every morning. I bought a bunch of palisade peaches from a stand and chopped some up and froze them.

Mixed them up today with some OJ, Fairlife milk, unflavored protein powder, spinach, hemp seeds and chia seeds. Best smoothie yet!

I keep seeing new GD reviews about the company moving away from the hybrid work model and mandating RTO. Can any current employees explain what’s going on? I’m starting next month as a FT Director based in TX. Curious what the current remote (or lack of remote) climate is like and how employees are feeling about it.

How is IBM for Full Stack Java developer role?

ADVICE THREAD

Feel like sharing advice? Which info would have changed your life if you only had known back then?

Any kind of advice is accepted 😉

How is ZoomInfo as a company? How is the work culture? What is the salary growth?

I have recently given interview at Infosys for senior lead analyst role. I have submitted all the documents. It’s been 10 days I have not received the offer letter. Could anyone tell if it usually takes this much time to release an offer?

What kind of ratings are you supposed to give your counselee in LEAD feedback? Should be give one less than gold standard to everyone

Hi, I’m a tax professional but want to transition into a coding role such as bot coder and artificial intelligence. I’m really advanced with Excel and Alteryx, I even can create macros for my team and considered the technology rockstar. Do you recommend any certifications such as UIpath for my future career change? I’d also be interested in how to work for Google someday coding artificial intelligence and machine learning.

Hi! I’m looking into pivoting my career as more “brand” specialist/ manager. What skill sets would you find crucial to know ? Any advice on tips to learn/ gain experience? Thank you!

I hope everybody received 2k Amazon voucher as Xmas gift

How much would an analyst can get in jp morgan?

YOE- 3.5
Tech- Python, SQL, Bigdata, Spark, AWS.

Offer in hand - 14ctc

Need a job as Scrum Master.. I am fresher into it .

Hello everyone,

Anyone from CITI here who can refer me for its 'App Developer Programmer Analyst' role? Need this on an urgent basis as my current organization has given me a time till December 2022 to find a new role. So any help in this regard will be much appreciated.
Thank you

#Citi

Do the BB's ask for SAR reports for lateral moves ?

“You have a good looking face. But your body is absolute junk."

“We had complimenting genitalia.”

I give the clients gold, but they decide instead, they want me to paint it with sh*t.

“Who cares if it doesn’t work! You have to sell the vision!”

“Circumcision makes your dick look like it’s wearing a tailored suit. Circumcised is James Bond. Uncircumcised is James Out-On-Bond"

Today someone quit and just straight up walked out of the office. Like something you'd see in a movie. My jaw is still open. You ever seen this happen?

I was recently promoted, and now part of my team report to me. I'm now able to see their pay rates and I am honestly so disappointed in the company. Especially since we just gave annual raises in Feb, plus we can all see where the money is going and it's not to the employees. Makes me sick

I don’t have a horse in this fight

From a UX Director... “Design is everything. You’re nothing without design.” Excuse me?

So overheard after work:

I left a company a while back and a coworker of mine that also left just informed me that one of the C level execs has an SEC decision against him for embezzling several million.

This was from before I worked there...

How you came into the company will define your path. That’s why you’ll never be successful switching departments.

Joined a call to hear “how’s my sql replication looking? Yeah,!I’m good.)

Heard from me:

“Oh, junior person, you have edits to the monthly activity report 3 days after your deadline to review the report, and after I sent it to the client? How lovely for you."

"she doesn't have good boobs" †
👀

“The copy needs more modern slang young millennials can relate to. It isn’t jiggy enough right now."

"I don’t like morning people. Or morning. Or people”

Words of Wisdom

“There are so many layers of Daddy. Book coming soon. How to get one, how to be one, how to keep one!”

“Isn’t meth, like, so early 2000’s? Does anyone do that anymore?”