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Unfortunately nobody is going to be able to give you a diagnosis from this level of information. As this is an ADHD forum, I can offer some things to consider on that topic. Often adhd is missed in high achieving children. I never in a million years suspected I had any such thing as I was great in school and a responsible kid...but this was far less known in my youth. Now I can look back and see so much evidence from my childhood. But it was tough to notice because I assumed I was just like my mom (smart and wonderful but always late/forgetful/messy unless someone is coming over). These traits all seemed like a version of normal (if still irritating) traits. Knowing now what I know, hindsight is 20/20. Like I was given new lenses.
It was true for me and I've heard of others---one naturally develops coping mechanisms, workarounds that keep them achieving...until they don't. School/life hits a higher level of complexity at some point, where the workarounds are no longer enough. So imo, your intelligence and early achievements don't rule out adhd in your childhood. What i suggest you think about...is more about your younger childhood years, looking for whether the symptoms were there (even tho they didn't impede your success). I can just throw out some ideas, but yours may be different.
*Time blindness: Chronically Hard to make it to places on time (maybe a parent micromanaged you or drove you when you missed bus or were ready too late to walk).
*Impulsivity: I doubt yours was irresponsible or risky behavior. But things like talking too much as you need to say what you need to say right now. Yelling out the answer in class when not called on. Helping/Correcting other students when they are failing to properly read a word out loud. Correcting friends in social situations.
*Sustained Focus: you took school very seriously and felt confident in your intelligence. So you finished your assignments because they had clear deadlines and consequences you cared about. But, other life elements? Starting many things (perhaps with extreme enthusiasm) but not finishing many or any of them before getting distracted by another idea.
*Got my homework done but forgot it at home....along with my lunch. Called mom and she brought them.
*Mind spinning with so many things that you want to do (or ideas for that paper I have to write) but struggling to start any of them (or decide which to start with) until they become urgent.
*Being great at the "hard" or intellectually challenging things. But seeming/feeling like you put in more time on many mundane things than your peers do and wondering how they all seem to have more free time than you do. Why are the easy things so hard for me? I'm smart but I'm so lazy how I procrastinate. Just can't clean my room or hang up my towel. I was many years in the workforce before I realized how I had spent my life compensating for the adhd by working a lot of extra hours and/or doing things in the middle of the night when my brain would FINALLY engage to that task. Not because it was hard, but because my mind would wander or I'd overthink and rework/rework.
*Feeling your peak focus times don't line up with the rest of the world.
*Socially, maintaining friendships seemed difficult. Wondering why other kids just didn't seem to get you. They seemed to think you were different even tho you felt like you were acting "normally" and the same as any of them.
*Reading to yourself: very competent but slow. When class is asked to read a page/s to immediately discuss, not done reading when others are. Often finding yourself re-reading the same paragraph over and over because you realize you didn't absorb anything you read. Maybe hate reading because it just takes too long and feels exhausting? Learned most everything by class instruction and/or homework.
*Hyperactivity. Some experience the hyperactivity internally (racing thoughts) or via less overt fidgeting (nail biting, picking, changing position in seat frequently, talking excessively)
If you really didn't have any chronic ADHD symptoms as a younger child, a clinician will most likely tell you it's not what you have now. But there are other things that can degrade executive functioning skills. Keep seeking answers thru another opinion. You know you and you know when you need some help.
I feel like a younger version of myself is writing this, with the exception of the academic accomplishments (congrats on all of that, by the way). I felt the same jitters when I started taking adderall. I was more productive and focused, sure, but constantly on edge and feeling off. I ended up getting put on Lexapro in tandem with adderall to help with my anxiety and depression, and that combo has worked wonderfully for me. Along with exercise, a reasonably healthy diet, and all that. You mentioned you were in therapy for years - did you ever discuss meds for anxiety as well? If not, it sound like it'd be worth looking into. I know you can do everything virtually through companies like Hims, so it shouldn't require a lot of time or money to get prescribed if the doc thinks that's what's best for you.
Have tried Ritalin and Adderall - of course they help me focus, they would help anyone focus. But I feel very speedy / drugged (teeth grinding, blinking eyes, etc.)
Just started Wellbutrin XL 150mg today, wondering what it’ll do for me.
Went through 2.5 years of therapy (immensely helpful), but just unsure what to do now.
Sincerely,
26 yo M, in M7 MBA, survived 3 yrs of consulting pre-MBA. Just not sure what to do as I know that this will crash and burn inevitably, at some point. Perpetually late, disorganized, and last-minute. Yet everyone seems to think I’m such a superstar.
(Of course I wrote my MBA apps each within hours of the deadlines and took the GMAT within a week of the deadlines…)
While I have received feedback from mental health professionals / psychiatrists, they seem to not “believe” me and I’m thus soliciting your opinions here… just because I am diagnosable with adhd, depression, and anxiety doesn’t mean that we really understand the mechanism of action, etc. I suppose I’m just curious to know what’s really happening with my brain…