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Hi, I'm leaving Citi in 2 months.It's hard to make this decision. I have an offer from a small startup.In citi, my previous experience was not considered and was reskilled to different tech which is the reason for change.I don't like to exit citi. As I like the company so much.But considering my current knowledge,I am in the middle of the sea.I am afraid now that the new company's offer would be revoked due to this recession?Or can I take back my resignation in citi before the last working day.Is this wise decision?
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read the book Organizing Solutions for people with ADHD. It’s full of good advice about ADHD organizing and gave me a lot of clarity about how to remove friction from my own life (especially moving into a teensy apartment with my bf). I downloaded the ebook from Libgen
A lot of it is… everything needs its own specific place and it needs to be easy to put things away. drawers should be half full, bins don’t need lids and can function as drawers on a shelf, clothes shouldn’t need to be folded to fit comfortably in their place. Put things you use together in the same area (eg most of my shoes are in one place but shoes i wear to the gym are with my exercise clothes). There’s a chapter on kids’ rooms and one on adult rooms. Maybe read both and see which applies to your daughter
one thing it points out is that people with ADHD tend to have a lot of hobbies and interests, and creates a way to organize so those things aren’t always everywhere
Oh cool, I’ll check that resource out too! I also got diagnosed as an adult after years of my life with a room that probably looks like your daughter’s!
she’s lucky to have a mom like you btw 🥹
KON MARI!!
I love Marie Kondo and as I did the folding more I got fixated at it (which happens with ADHD) Get him/her nice organizing cubes and containers for everything has a home and try to make the folding part a challenge for you two to see who can do it better. I also love my label maker to write that is in that container.
I haven’t read the book Copywriter suggested but I might have to check it out! It sounds similar to the approach I have adopted for myself.
I moved in to a small apartment and have baskets everywhere and drawers so that everything has a home. I also have a hamper in my bedroom and my bathroom to prevent piles of dirty clothes.
I also rotate things for convenience. Ex I have a bench with baskets by my front door.. now that it is cold it holds my winter accessories.. in the summer it holds my beach and sun accessories.
The key to my success is that when I am done with something, there is an easy access place to drop it immediately. Keeps my place pretty neat and the moments when it starts to get cluttered again, it is not as overwhelming to clean it since I don’t have to fold or organize, I just have to drop things in their spots.
This sounds like me when I was growing up. I was just thinking how thankful I am that my mom didn’t interfere and let me treat it as my own space. Now that I’m older, I make my bed everyday and hate clothes on the floor, not sure what caused the 180 but it should give you hope for your daughter too.
Pro
I agree with this. I shared a room with my mom up until I was 18 due to financial constraints. Having my own room in college and after moving back let me get all of that "messy" phase out because she let my space be mine.
Is my room clean right now? Uh...not really. I'm looking at my clean clothes in my laundry basket and my dirty ones on the floor. But my bed (Japanese futon) is folded and put away. Plus my work desk is moderately clear.
Is it my mom's ideal sterilized life? Hell no. But I do have days where hyperfocus is cleaning.
I operate on how messy my room is current mental state. Eventually, I'll trip on some things I really could have put away and get angry at the world. Then I'll get over it, kick it the thing one last time in anger, and then put it away. Do that enough times and I ve got a "cleaner" room.
Eventually, her habits will start to get in her way and she'll know it was her choices that got her there. Learning to get back up is on her. As a parent (not a parent btw), I feel it's your job to just be there. I regularly ask my mom random stuff I could Google like "Can I hang stuff on my walls?". The fact she's there regardless of whether she can answer is the important part imo.
Does she have a closet organizer, drawers, etc? Try labeling things for her. Have her clean up every night before she goes to bed. What does she like to earn (money, time with you, candy, etc)? Does she still respond to rewards maybe reward her for cleaning up?
i think labeling is a good idea. as a teenager i think it’s important for her to make her own systems. i was a really messy teen too and none of the systems my mom helped me make really worked for me.
as an adult i have to get really specific with the ways i organize things. maybe a trip to a place like the container store or looking at some pinterest boards together for inspiration would be helpful to see how things can be done
for example:
someone organizing my makeup might separate things out by: eyes, face, lips. but it’s important for me to have my “everyday” makeup in a different place from my “fancy/going out” makeup. especially since i typically have more time to get ready for those events than i do everyday.
she has to know what her routines are and find ways for them to work for her
Can you get her to commit to get rid of one piece of clothing a week to start with? struggling with that myself. I think part of it is growing up and having 3 sweaters and 2 pairs of jeans to wear so by the time i grew out of them they were pretty worn out and i didn't feel attachment.
Ugh, same thing here. Closing the door works for a few days then I want to explode. If you find anything that helps let me know!
Rising Star
She will clean her room when it’s urgent to her. Offer to throw her a birthday party or sleepover and invite her friends over in a few weeks.
The other thing is no new clothes or books if she has clothes that work. Somewhere in that pile.
Otherwise, I have to agree with her therapist.
Thanks guys! To some extent, I’m ok with the messy room. However, she shares her bathroom with her sister, who is nearly OCD about order and organization. So, her messiness is impacting others in shared space. But I appreciate your insight and feedback!!