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Saw a great post right after I first became a parent that really helped my perspective. In summary, all of your tasks are a ball. Some are glass and some are plastic. It’s not a big deal if you drop a plastic ball, but a glass one would be an issue. As you go through your days give yourself the grace to drop a plastic ball or 12 if you need to. My husband and I still speak in these terms and sometimes it’s so silly it breaks the tension of the moment. Google “juggling glass and plastic balls” and you’ll find the more detailed version.
I was single when I had my daughter. I agree with this post about understanding what is important. I know it's a hard way to think, but I woke up every day with the understanding I was going to handle everything. When I received help, I appreciated it and enjoyed every minute. This allowed me to stay in a positive light, keep realistic expectations of her father, and enjoy my time with my little one.
Don’t compare yourself to others and do what works for you and your family. 🤗
Wfh was key for me during motherhood. I did have to switch companies but no regrets. I'll now only take fully remote roles. But I had the resume to back that, plus I had the time to search and apply and wait for the right remote roles.
I could get housework done during the day on small breaks. Go start a load of clothes. Prep dinner. Those little 15mins things. Even run errands. Plus subtract the commute time
Also, a schedule is key. Make sure you baby has a good sleep schedule. You can't afford to be waking up 8 times per night. You're gonna be TIRED sis. Teach the baby good independent sleep habits. Even if just a tiny bit at a time. Honestly, teaching my kids independent sleep skills early was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I can count the number of nights I didn't get a solid 6 hours of sleep on one hand. My avg was always 8hrs.
Find childcare that will support the child's schedule. Or if you know they will have a different schedule at a daycare, go ahead and switch to that schedule at home 3 weeks before needed. Adjustments in schedule typically affect nighttime sleep and can be a nightmare with resisting sleep and middle of the night waking.
When you return to work, set your new expectations and schedule early. Don't let them demand the same from you pre child. I promise, your mental load is different and even if you're capable, why run yourself into the ground. For me, My work mindset went from "exceeding expectations" to "meeting expectations". I was no longer trying to he a superstar at work. Working through lunch to leave at 4 or 430 was so helpful as I could spend a good 3 hours with my baby before bedtime.
What type of independent sleep habits did you practice. I still have about a month before going back so I could start practicing them. I’ll google it but just wondering if something specific helped?
Yes it will be hard to switch to ‘meeting expectations’. I have been an all star player for many years now. 😶
A true single mom here. Relationship ended during the pregnancy and continued that way… my son is now 21. I went back to work when my son was 11 months. I researched and visited several child care centers and got on the waiting list prior to returning to work. I used Saturdays/Sundays to meal prep for the week diaper bag, baby food and bottles (each night) I nursed at night and he was still up every few hours. I was exhausted but I did it. I slept when he slept and didn’t sweat the household chores. They got done while he was awake. I’d carry him in the baby carrier when needed and at times he had to cry.
When dropping him off at daycare I made sure to open and close all doors to ensure I had dropped him off at daycare that’s how tired I was.
Since you have a husband might be a good idea to create a list of things he can do while he’s home to help you balance the load and prepare as much in advance as possible.
Wow you must be so strong and resilient. I wish I had as much strength in me. Thank you for your tips. What did you do when baby was sick? Did you just skip work? I’m scared of the fever nights.
I’m also currently on mat leave and dreading going back. What’s your plan for child care? How old is your baby?
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you can do groceries online and housework to hire a cleaningblady like twice per week for 3-4 hours, they also iron
I think you need to consider where and what help might be most important for you. But first, know that you really can’t juggle it all (at least the all you likely expect of yourself) - none of us can. You have to be able to determine what you can let drop, what you can hand off and what is important for you to do.
My husband did not travel, but he was out of the house at 5:30 in the morning so the morning was all on me. Our kids went to daycare and it felt like I ran a marathon every morning before being able to even take care of myself. When I had my second, I hired a part time nanny to supplement daycare. She did the morning routine for me - woke up the kiddos, got them dressed, fed, made their lunches and took them to school. She also did pickup when needed due to late meetings, team dinners, etc. It was an amazing help because I could focus on what I needed to get myself ready, could typically drink a cup of coffee and interact with the kids while they had breakfast, and then felt ready for the day. For a time I had a personal chef who came to my house and cooked food one day a week (full meals, components for meals, prepped fruit/veggies, etc) when we felt too stretched to mindfully cook. For several years we had a housekeeper coming one day a week (kids are now 10 & 13 so we have them help so they actually know how to clean).
This is very helpful. Thank you 🙏
I was feeling guilty asking my husband for a nanny but you are totally right. I have to hand off some of the things I do.
F
Organize and decide what areas you need to outsource for help. Set boundaries around your schedule both at work and with your spouse. Be flexible but be deliberate about what you will prioritize and what you will not. Lastly do your best to enjoy this time. You are your child’s world and there is only one you for them. Remember that at work and in particular these days you are just a number, you are replaceable but not to your family and specially your child.
In addition to the comments here, get your support squad in order - by that I mean other parents/close friends so you can emotionally support each other when you need to. Raising a baby and working can sometimes become all consuming and its good to have your people around to chat to or vent when you need it.
Set your boundaries with no apology. For example “I do daycare collection on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday meaning I will be leaving at 4:30pm.”
Sending you love… feeling like a single mom while being married is another level.