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About 1x a month. 4 kids 10 years married. She stays at home. They wear her out. We don’t go to bed at the same time most nights, and being on the road a lot didn’t help. But she’s always been weird about sex, I am considering seeking counseling for us. I don’t get why marriages head this way.
Married 11 years, 3 kids 6 and under - she doesn’t really want to very often anymore and we were getting in a bad place. At one point we were like 1/month and I was going crazy. I get it, kids and all, but I got really angry when she kept turning me down. Sounds trite but we ‘schedule’ it every Saturday. I don’t have to ask every day and risk getting turned down, she doesn’t have to be bothered with me asking, and it works out pretty well. Works for us.
You folks have time and energy to have sex?
Once a week would be a dream for me. Same situation as you with both of us working and 2 kids under 4.
Our target is once a week but it’s not really a priority for her despite my best intentions. I’m pretty sad over the whole situation and was especially hurt after it didn’t happen on Father’s Day.
I wrote her a letter suggesting counseling a few weeks ago and while she’s acknowledged it, she hasn’t responded at all
Same. 2 kids under 3. It was irregular before kids, now non-existent. She thinks it make me selfish for wanting a more physical relationship and her priorities seem to outweigh mine. Pretty much ready to call it quits.
If I’m lucky it’s once a month. I’m not very lucky.
We do once a month may be. 3 kids and 11 years of marriage for reference
Once or twice a year if I’m lucky. One daughter soon to be17. Married 15.5 years. I’m out when my daughter goes to college.
It varies a lot. Typically 1-3 times per week. Married 10 years. 5 kids under 8 years old.
Honestly she mostly initiates it at this point. I don’t travel for work. I try my best to do the things at home that reduce her stress, like dishes. We rarely go to sleep separately. Our routines make us comfortable with each other and part of those are routines to encourage us to keep physical contact.
This post actually made me feel a bit better. Infeel
A bit more normal in a way
Bowl Leader
We are at 1 per week, which mostly works for us as long as it happens. We are both super busy, so the frequency is at risk if I don’t initiate it. I am currently reading this book - 5 Love Languages - to increase our connectedness and ensure we keep that frequency and maintain a healthy marriage generally. It’s a bit of a corny book, but I recommend it as it is quite practical
1-3x a month. Together 6 yrs married for just over 1 yr. I have 2 adult kids from a previous marriage and now have an 11yr old with this marriage. Sometimes more sometimes less but it is what it is.
Speaking from a recovered/recovering dead bedroom including reading tons of literature on the topic I recommend whole heartedly Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson. If you and spouse can build together a deeper intimacy it will come and synchronous sex is part and parcel to that in a robust marriage. Key is your spouse has to be willing to work towards that deeper intimacy (and so must you) and if he or she is not you are stuck.
Hold me tight.
You all sound like me before my divorce.
Lived the dead bedroom for 10 long years.
Read all of the books, tried all of the things, some worked briefly.
Ultimately we recognized we just were not compatible intimately and neither was willing to compromise - was it sad, yep, am I happier now - definitely.
Are you really? Serious question.
I think I would always regret it and wonder if I could have made it work. Plus impact on kids.....
I hear this sentiment a lot but it's a big leap and I always wonder of the grass really is greener.
Thoughts?
What’s this sex thing you speak of? I remember something of it in my 20’s. Something always seems to come up when we try and have a date night.
Drop the porn if you’re using it, wait a few weeks and the libido will come roaring back.
Once a week usually, and it’s a rinse and repeat thing...not very creative these days, but whatever lol
😔
2-4 times a month. Usually within 2 weeks. Then dry for two, etc. that’s just our rhythm. 15 yrs marriage 3 kids. Actually it’s been more since the pandemic. We seem less stressed now that all the kid’s activities are cancelled
All, thanks for your candid responses. I'm really sorry to see that some of you have it so bad.
Same here