How do working mothers in Big4 manage their work, family, baby and life? I love work but am really struggling with work that doesn't stop post 9 pm every single day which is affecting the other areas of my life. While I know I can't expect people to understand my situation, I am trying to gauge if I can do something to ease my situation. Right now I have options of wfh without boundaries or wfo far away. I feel lost and am burning out often. Can anyone experienced please offer me some advice?

likeupliftinghelpful
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This is the problem every couple starting their family is facing. And honestly, it's up to the women to decide what's more important to them. Is family important and taking care of them more and spending time with them more important or is working long hours for a soul-less corporate important? I'm a guy, and personally, even for me, when I'm old and look back at life - what will be more important? The fact that I excelled in creating some shitty excels or made some crappy consulting plans for whatever the fuck and felt proud of myself or will it be how much time I spent with my parents, wife and kids and how I enjoyed life with them? I think the answer is pretty clear. Most women start our being career ambitious, but in their 30s realize that they rather be more happy concentrating on their family. In a marriage, out of the 2, one will always have to compromise on his or her career. And that's not a bad thing, because the family and house can be taken good care of then. Men unfortunately, usually, don't have the option of sitting back because societal norms are such that men are pressured into being the leading or primary breadwinner. This also makes sense though, because there is a biological angle to it. Women get pregnant, so they need to more rest, more time, and have to spend time away from work. Plus women need to be their around the baby in the early years. So automatically the roles are decided. So I'd suggest either get yourself a permanent wfh option which would make things a little easier or be out of work for sometime or take up a lighter job even at the cost of a paycut. Or you could always decide to devote your time to the soulless corporate over your family. Whatever.

likeupliftingsmartfunny

Hi! Working mother here. Have 2 little girls and have been working with big 4s throughout my career. So here are my 2 cents:
1. It is okay to not be there 100% of the time for your child. They learn just as much from you when you sit in front of your laptop during the day as they would if you were not there. This is to say, we can't give them much when we are busy with work, so comparentalize your time.
2. Get all the help that you can. Bring in house help for all chores, including the ones that are seemingly easy. You might feel it is a waste of money, but end of the day they would make you feel relaxed. And your career longer.
3. Ignore any comments that you hear on your contribution to the family. Work life balance is important. The operative word being "balance". We often confuse WLB with being less aggressive at work. Do not leave work just because you need to take care of the family. You are a part of family and your "choice" is just as important as anyone else's. You do not need to justify working even if your salary is not a major contribution to your household income.
4.Let your spouse contribute. Know that he is not helping you. It is just as much his house and child as it is yours. This would mean that things at home won't be done in the way you like. Accept that and do not criticize anyone for that. It will make you happier in the long run.
5. At work the same concept applies. Delegate to and train people. It will not be exactly the way you like the output to be, but it will reduce your workload.
6. There is nothing wrong with having time boundaries at work. As long as your kid is young, draw lines wherever you want. Instead of refusing to take on responsibilities, try negotiating on timelines. This is easier said than done, you will have a learning curve there.
7. If your kid is more than 3 years old, try Day care option or at home care by someone else. You have probably explored that by now. What ever choice you make is good. The point is to help your child learn. It does not have to be "you" who does that.

After all of these, know that mom guilt is a permanent thing. It comes with having a baby. But also know that you are doing the best for your kid. Your kid would be happier around a happy mother than an always present but unhappy mother. Be strong.

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My wife works at EY and we have a 16 month baby boy. living in Mumbai, just 3 of us. We had nanny at home for 9 hours for couple of months. Now we send him to day care from 11am-7pm. My wife starts working from 10 am. I drop him at day care, go to office/return home. Pick him up at 7pm while returning from office. Wife tries to wrap up work by 7:30 pm. I finish my remaining work / meetings from home. My work is not as hectic as in Big4 and my office just 1.5Kms away from home.

But she is under constant pressure from her manager for not doing overtime everyday (But she works till 9-10pm, 1-2 days a week). But she is sets boundaries clearly that it wont be possible everyday. At most this will affect her performance ratings/ increment / promotion for next 1-2 years. We are okay with that.

Spending time with baby is very important for us as much as possible. Doesn't matter if we loose out on promotions / increment for 1-2 years.

EY also has a half day working (4 hrs) with half salary option for new moms. If your manager is not at all co-operative, opt for that. Work strictly for 4 hours.

If possible don't take a sabbatical from work. It will keep you sane. Resuming work after sabbatical will have its own challenges.

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This is the best suggestion in the entire thread!

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Thank you everyone for the advice and perspective! I really appreciate it :)

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Im also in the same boat., working as senior consultant, have lot of responsibilites at home too.. Child care elder care.. You are not alone buddy.. Cheers!

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Keep crying, best of luck.

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Genpect 1-- this is below the belt, my statement stands regardless of gender, for whomSoEver opt for excuses instead of action.

There are plenty of examples of real strong women, who have achieved remarkable milestones beating all the odds. But ur substandard mindset makes u an insult to those women.

Now go and report this comment, best of luck.

helpful

If you find yourself burning out often, you definitely need to make some changes:
1. Try asking for family support - maybe parents or inlaws move in for a little while, your partner can also share more responsibilities
2. A trustworthy nanny at home whom you feel comfortable with
3. Few hours of daycare for the little one (maybe 9 to 1 or evening hours)
4. Look for a job with a lighter load, maybe in internal consulting teams of bigger companies (if they provide childcare facilities or perks that's even better)
5. Take your paid time off as necessary to give yourself good breaks from time to time (2 weeks off in one stretch if possible)
Hope this helps. You are not alone!

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Better communication, more sharing of responsibility is the key. If anyone is stressed out - talk with the other person, don't hold anything - it might come out as volcano.

Working in any organization depends more time - they are paying so they will suck every ounce of blood, so at some other place u might log out by 7/8/9 pm- but traveling, team, all other things will matter. Leaving a comfortable job ( if you are happy in your job) will be way more challenging. Try to set boundaries with work - I know in season no boundaries- but apart from that - strict log out time should be followed- if require take some house help - like maid Or something - that will reduce your workload. Try to find happiness in all small things - it will boast your mind.
Take proper holidays.

Just small suggestions.

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In EY , many brings their kids to office.

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I'm not even married and I still struggle! Not gonna get married while working in Big 4 🥲

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I don’t know if anything can pacify this situation you are going though and I can totally understand. I will advise if you can speak to your husband and find a solution together. I have seen my coworkers taking sabbatical leaves and I think you can do that too for a period of time.

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I totally understand. Big4 are definitely not the best choice to stay on the long run .

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+1

I wonder if any male shares the same concern regarding his job.

Of course we do. We also want to spend time with our parents, kids, family. But someone needs be the primary earner.

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OPPORTUNITY
[Commonly replaced with: Learning experience, Growth opportunity]

Meaning: A word frequently used by top consulting managers to showcase their steller leadership.

P.S: A quick reminder to all middle management folks that you need to ask for junior resources and share responsibilities to limit this, happy Sunday :)

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