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Anger? Therapy
If you get angry when he spills food or isn’t hungry, then yes, you need some therapy.
So…I know this is anecdotal, but hear me out. My first was born in 2016. I changed careers and moved and was in a weird place. I also used to have battles with him on eating all the time. I didn’t understand why it frustrated me so much, but also I was legitimately blaming him as the issue. I later had my second. We moved again, and had some life things we juggled in between.
Fast forward to 2020, I started therapy; it was a great time to do so. I started to realize in general I had a “tone” when I was stressed. My kids and my wife knew the “tone.” It was like being an on edge version of myself, and I wanted to fix it. I started medication (low dose) and using tools my therapist prescribed, and the tone went away. I don’t pick battles over things that a child shouldn’t be fought with. And most of all, I don’t want to pass down a version of a dad they don’t need.
I hope this was helpful and happy to discuss it.
Anger is a totally fine emotion but if silly and stupid things like spilling something or not eating trigger it I would argue for therapy.
Wait till they are teens and give you real cause for anger
I think my point didn’t come across right if you thought I somehow meant that trauma is a competition. All I’m getting at is I think a legitimate question was asked around how to cope with the emotional rollercoaster especially in the younger years of raising kids, and I thought the response of “seek therapy” was one dimensional. We all could use real life tips on how to navigate toddler tantrums
Getting angry is very normal. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying or extraordinarily weak. What you do with it is the question. Yes, therapy might help. Even if only for an outside sounding board to express and work through some of what you are feeling and why. After 5 tours in war zones I went to therapy to work through a bunch of different things. One was my anger response. Interestingly it came from a place I would not expect. I still have an anger reflex but it is much more controlled and subdued. Maybe look into it for yourself?
I have relatives who think anger is a valid emotion to be expressed. I view it as an emotion to control and focus, but rarely express. They view me as emotionally stunted. I wonder why they want to live in a world with frequent anger outbursts - it sounds really unfun. Pointing out that there are two sides to this coin
This is an interesting topic. It would seem equally unhealthy to be at either extreme.
I have been lifting weights - that helps
As an outlet? What do you mean
I get you OP. I feel the same way. Here’s what I have learned:
First and foremost: Anger is a good emotion. It is a protective mechanism for us. It kept the cavemen from getting killed, helped people rally around great causes and saves us from being a pushover.
It is perfectly fine to feel anger. The trick is in how you express it.
So first and foremost, think of anger as a power tool and learn how to wield it.
Is it useful in an interaction with your child? If so, express it. If not, whats the use? Will that child understand your complex emotion? Is your child just going to see you and learn “hmm…maybe its okay for humans to do that”?
Makes us think, huh? 🤔
Its very important to understand, what is the origin of your anger? Its always expectation vs reality. You want the traffic to be nonexistent and yet this car in front of you is slowing you down. Thats where the annoyance gives rise to anger.
At its core, it could be your personal childhood trauma. Did you, for example, grow up having food as a luxury? Was your dad not as involved with you as you’d have liked him to maybe? Or maybe your parents couldn’t afford the gifts you wanted and your kid rejecting something you’ve worked so hard to provide them (food security in this case, your gift to them) triggers those deep deep feelings that you absolutely abhor. I don’t know, but it may help to explore.
I think thoughts like these and they help me control my anger, to answer your question. Sorry for the long post.
I simply keep reminding myself “they are are a kid and kids just do that. Nothing I say will positively help”. Surprisingly simple but it helps be snap out quickly.
My 3 year old is in the phase where he will never eat his damned dinner that I worked on for him, and then cries for snacks before/in bed. I was frustrated with it but took a tactic of making dinner time playful for him (pretending we’re alligators or dinosaurs eating his food) instead of telling him he’s not getting up until he eats some of his dinner. The difference is mind boggling. Just trying to get on his level and manipulate his little brain with play has made him happier and us closer.