How/when do you bring up a need for flex schedule in the interview process? I don’t know how parents in NYC manage the train situation right now but making evening pickup is HARD.

Ok I have a different take. HBR did an article once about how women pay the career price for flexibility much more than men, because they talk about it and ask for it more. And men frequently take flexibility they just don’t talk about it. What if you simply choose the job that you most want. Then on day one, leave the office when you need to leave. Don’t treat it like a big deal. You’re a senior enough role that I assume people report into you. You can provide a positive example. And as we all move up the ranks, we break this nonsense cycle of fake presenteeism than promotes one type of leader at the expense of many.

There’s probably no good answer but you actually make a really good point that perhaps it’s better to get it out there and simply not waste time with places that aren’t open to it.

SD1- I saw that HBR article. I just don’t see a lot of men being the one to leave to get the kids. Prove me wrong. Frankly, I always call my husband out on this. He claims he can always leave but we both know I’m always assumed to be the one to go

When you’re already short on time, I figure an hour+ on a second interview with a company who isn’t open to your needs not to be the best use of it! That’s time you could spend applying for other, more suitable roles :)

When I first started commuting from NJ into NYC (1 hour, ten mins door to door), I kept asking other parents what their schedule was like and how they handle this. I was hoping to crack a secret code that made this so much easier. Unfortunately, short of having family to help or a nanny, there’s not a secret thing that makes this easier. I’ve worked for both sympathetic/flexible employers and ones who said they would accommodate then later changed their mind. Best thing to do is be totally honest about what your schedule will need to look like and if you sense any hesitation, know that it will likely come back to bite you. Other tips: have solid emergency contacts/approved pick up people in case your child is ill or in case the trains are acting up. Pack lunches the night before while you binge watch your favorite show. My husband and I spilt commute hours so one goes in early and does pick up. The other drops off and comes home later. Get an after school sitter. Work from the train. // Hang in there and know that you aren’t alone!!

Late to the thread - but like mentioned above, you don't ask, you tell them. I'm not in a very senior role despite the title, but I show I'm responsible so my team knows that I when I have to leave at 5 or 530, my work is done and if I have to be online after leaving the office, I am. We are adults, mothers and our children no matter what anyone says or tries to make you feel is our priority. So when you need to leave, you grab your stuff and leave. Check in with your team if you need to but NEVER ask for permission! A man wouldn't so why should you!

I feel like there’s no real right answer on this!

My instinct has always been to be open about it as early as possible, so that the employer can make an informed decision on whether to progress me. If flex time is not all that feasible, then I’m wasting both of our time attending a second interview for a role that isn’t going to suit either of our needs, and if a potential employer feels mislead by your answers in initial interviews, those that are willing to be flexible may see this as dishonesty and go with a candidate who was more open initially.

That said, I’ve had a negative experience disclosing this in first round interviews too - the interviewer mentioned she was a bit of a workaholic who often did 13/14 hour days, and that sometimes employees weren’t leaving the office until 7pm or so.
I said I was more than willing to put in extra hours as required, but with a small child, I wondered if there was flexibility to work from home on the occasions where daycare pickup and drop off fell to me - by cutting out my commute time, I could start earlier and be finished before my son’s daycare centre closed, so I wouldn’t need to leave the office on time while others stayed back.
Her response at the time seemed fairly positive, but her feedback to the recruiter who had put me forward for the role was that she didn’t like that I’d mentioned flexibility in the first interview. My recruiter pushed back for the reasons I mentioned above, and though she came around to agreeing it was better I was honest and my question was not unreasonable, the damage was done on both sides. There was an obvious disconnect in how we felt on the subject, and I didn’t progress further.

That said, my last few roles have all known about my need for flexibility, and have not only been open to it, but have viewed it favourably that I’m achieving great results for clients as a working mother.

I’m sorry I don’t have a defined answer for you! It’s really a tough one, and I hope the right role opens up for you soon.

Well I would totally agree - until I just learned my head of planning (male) from two jobs ago left at 5 every single day to pick up his kids. I had no idea! It never came up.

I vote for just being straight with them. I freelance and was worried about the same thing, but thus far it hasn’t been a problem. (Shockingly, actually.) If they want you on the team and the culture is right, it won’t be a problem.
For me the key has been to be very savvy with working remotely - know your apps, your web software, and find ways to work and be available whenever and wherever. I have a hotspot and carry my laptop everywhere, for example.

^ times a thousand.

SD1, while it’s an interesting perspective, I wonder how it plays out for many women who try it.

The reason I’m now so upfront about flexibility being a non-negotiable is an experience I had in a former role. I was very senior - head of my department, reporting to the director - and given I was back at my laptop when my child was in bed, I figured leaving on time was totally acceptable.

Instead, my leaving on time became something of a point of contention. There was a discussion around the company’s ‘honesty policy’ regarding hours we’d worked, as though somehow doing the hours I was obliged to do was akin to working 30 hours and claiming 40. I wasn’t trying to claim any overtime - in fact, I’d been contracted for four days a week but was currently working full time hours as we were short staffed. My leaving on time was viewed as a lack of commitment, never mind the hours I was putting in in the evening.

Meanwhile, a male team member consistently came in 30 minutes late in the morning after dropping his kids off, but would stay back until closer to 6pm rather than leaving at 5:30pm like I did. Because he was perceived to work later despite us doing the same hours, this was fine, despite him opening a beer at 5:30pm and socialising for that additional time rather than actually working.

I agree with D1 that the woman is always assumed to be the one to go and collect the kids. I think this is why it’s not looked at as a big deal when men say they’re leaving on time to pick up their kids - frankly, it doesn’t happen as often, so employers are happy to say they offer flex time while knowing that male employees are unlikely to utilise it frequently.

It feels like yet another situation where we women can’t really win - just take it as your right to leave when you need to, and you’re perceived as not working as hard or abusing the system. Speak up and risk not getting the job in the first place. It’s a tough one.

When my LOs were younger, I definitely selected “smaller” roles for a bit and mentioned the need to depart at 5 sharp most days (always exceptions happen and can hop back online later). Now that they’re a bit older, I have a much more demanding role and an evening babysitter. I haven’t achieved the zen balance lately but I’m trying to make the most of the mornings and weekends. And I like pouring myself a bit more wholly back into an ambitious role.

Agree that you’re senior enough that you can set the example of what work hours mean for you. Do you know anyone at this company where you could ask for the real dish versus making it a thing to negotiate for? I took my current job bc I knew people who had worked there that said no one would balk at my hours. Also knew with the clients I would be working on that travel would be minimal, which is what killed me in my last role. I feel like it should be about whether you want their culture than if their culture can accommodate you.