I am starting with IVF this month, and would appreciate words of wisdom, resources or experience. Quite nervous and feeling judged by everyone around me. Help a fellow woman please!

I did IVF, too. Didn’t work the first go, but had froze the extra embryos. Second attempt using these “frosties” worked. One took and now I have my son! The second attempt was easier on my body as I hadn’t just had the eggs removed. I also did acupuncture the second time. If you have any questions, dm me😊. Good luck!!!!

It’s sooo emotionally draining, take care of yourself. I also looked at boards, but not BabyCenter as I’m too GenX for the “baby dust” stuff. Can’t remember what I joined but it was more chill.
With the clinic and the IUI I was so emotional and hormones and over it all by the time I got to IVF and decided to quit and not do another cycle. Luckily that first cycle worked. But it is ok to quit, it really is. Keep checking in with yourself about where you’ll draw that line. It’s not failing, it’s just a different path.
People will judge you at all stages: that your doing it, that you didn’t do it sooner, that you’re too stressed, that you are not eating right or exercising enough, or exercising too much, or need more drugs, or less drugs, or acupuncture, or less stress, or wine, or just to believe in yourself, or a different doctor, or more time between cycles, or keep going faster and more...
Ignore them ALL. There is not right way or wrong way.

This is meant in a confidence inspiring way: it wasn’t hard on me at all, it took the first time, and I had big (huge!) healthy twins at 37 weeks.
I am the anomaly, I know this. I share this because I was nervous about it too, and I found that the actual process was not hard on me at all, and I had seen friends, and my own sister fall apart, so I expected a different experience. I had done IUI, and that didn’t take, so I had had some disappointments. I am not special or stronger than anyone else, I just had what seems to be an atypically positive experience, and perhaps you might too.

As for judgement...well this is what I’ll say about that. The best thing, IMO, as a parent, is learn to give no fucks about other people’s judgements. Simple, but not easy. And no time like the present to start honing that skill.

I had very strict rules for myself and my husband about our IVF. We didn’t talk about it with anyone except a few select ultra close people. Not because of shame or anything, but because I didn’t want to be asked about it when I didn’t want to talk about it. It was my narrative to control. My happy news to share when ready. My sadness to hold if/when there were disappointments. It was private and it felt very private to us, and that was right for us. When I found myself among other women going through it, their stories were often hard experiences to hear. Or people who weren’t experiencing it themselves seemed to like to tell the worst stories they knew about their brother’s wife’s first cousin’s friend who had something terrible happen. That didn’t serve me, so I didn’t choose it. Simply, if it didn’t fill my bucket, and talking about it did not, I didn’t opt in to that. However, most people I know found solace in the community of women experiencing similar things and having fellow travelers on their journey. I didn’t. It’s not right or wrong.


Figure out who you are and start setting boundaries for what works for you. Even if you’ve talked about it with people so far, and you decide you wish you hadn’t, you can still say something like ‘ I appreciate you asking, but I’ve decided not to talk About this anymore. I’ll let you know when I have something to share.’

I hope you have an easy journey, a safe and healthy one. I hope it’s successful and that you are able to have the family you want. And I wish you strength and love and peace and comfort through it all.

I did IVF. First time didn’t take but second round worked. Now I have 2 kids. The experience was really emotional. Finding out the first time that it didn’t work was gut-wrenching. This isn’t for everyone, but what helped me during that time was envisioning the child-free life my spouse and I might have and becoming ok with it in my head. I kept thinking, we’ll become one of those childless Manhattan couples that travels all the time and has a beautiful 1-bedroom co-op.
As for being judged, you may need to just cut those people out for now, if possible. This is stressful and you don’t need the peanut gallery making it harder.
Oh, last thing I just remembered - I joined baby center’s IVF boards and interacting with the women on my board was really helpful. I didn’t keep up with babycenter forums after I got pregnant (although there were women on there with kids in their teens!) but it helped during that time. Just chatting daily with people knowing exactly what you’re going through in real time.
That’s all I got! Good luck 🙏

Take care of yourself as best you can - especially in the days before egg retrieval which can be uncomfortable. It is a hard process but at least for me, it paid off with two great boys. I agree that forums can help. Keep a google doc with your information and dates, meds, results, etc - I found that helpful through the process. You get used to the shots, they aren’t too bad.
Sorry about those that aren’t supportive. There are likely many more supportive allies at your agency than you realize - I hope you can find them. Good luck!

Thank you all you wonderful ladies and mums! The advice is super helpful and appreciated. Also, your stories are so inspiring! I wish we could document these some ways like chicken soup for ivf... lol! Thank you again!

Good for you for putting your life first. Do you and make no apologies.

We did it too and were pretty open about it. Both Frozen transfer of 2 embryos each time, resulting in my son and now one on the way. I know I'm one of the lucky ones. It sucks when you're going through the shots, uncertainty, ups and downs, etc. But remember this...you are stronger than you think. I think what helped was knowing many friends and coworkers who also went through IVF, and having them share their stories too. Good luck to you!