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Alas, I don't qualify.
Chief
This shouldn’t be news to people but it is.
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The sad reality is, you have to suck it up and attend once in a while. Otherwise that’ll be the narrative that develops about you and you’ll start getting even more feedback around a lack of engagement. Been there and i feel for you.
Frame some stock pictures of random babies and place them on your desk. You’re a new father and have family commitments. Maybe that’ll buy you some grace.
I love this idea! I have 3 little ragamuffins that you can take to the park as uncle CD; take all the group photos you like! My wife and I could use a few hours of time without kids! 😏
Oh I hate this for you. I’m so sorry.
To avoid all that nonsense, I went freelance. No team building, no guilt trips…
Yeah, except there is not much freelance these days.
Pro
Your work doesn’t matter. The way you make them feel in social situations is the only part of your job that anyone else cares about. They want you to WANT to spend time with them, and that is how you will be evaluated.
You could view this as unfair. But remember, you work in a field where talentless people like you are paid a lot of money to make the world a worse place, and that’s unfair to everybody else. Happy Monday!
Tell them you’re in AA
Pro
Depends how often it happens and whether you want to die on this hill.
Easy way is to say you have a class after work. But I’m guessing they want you to bond with direct reports, so I’d organize lunches and other ways to show you care.
If you’re sober, you could honestly say that you don’t like being around drinking and don’t think alcohol should be a mandatory part of the culture. But that’s the nuclear option. It won’t make you popular but might protect you from retaliation.
But honestly, I’d just make an effort to be at a few happy hours but just don’t stay long.
Or, if you truly don’t give af, just make ghosting your thing and hope everyone respects it.
But don’t mention that they’re not paying you to be there, etc etc. It’s all reasonable but sounds like “you’re right, I look out for me.”
Unpopular opinion (apparently) but I think team-building is important - especially if you manage a team. If you don’t like the kinds of events or times that other people are planning, plan something for your team yourself! If you don’t want to take initiative and do that, and instead just want to complain about what other people plan, then you deserve to be called out for it.
Also unless you’re paid as an hourly employee, the “we don’t get paid to be there” argument doesn’t really stand. If you reallllllly don’t want to attend, tell them you’re a recovering alcoholic and can’t be around alcohol. But (assuming that’s not the actual case) if you’re just that averse to relationship building, you’re in the wrong industry.
This industry already is weird AF with pay - taking away from a life built to last outside of it is not something to proudly endorse.
I hear you. I don’t drink and I was previously married to an alcoholic. I don’t do alcohol at all.
But, there are other options. What it sounds like is that they feel you’re not on the same page with the rest of the team. So find ways to bond either during work hours or not.
For example, you can suggest a team dinner once a quarter and go.
You can learn everyone’s birthdays and special celebration days (or work love languages), and celebrate them at work or support your team more emotionally (eg. For someone who is words of affirmation, you can send them an email of appreciation for their contribution etc).
Relationships are so important. And while I think it’s ridiculous that they expect you to drink with them, I do think there could be healthy ways around it that meet the need they’re looking to fill.
I agree. This only works in a healthy work environment with healthy people. I’m not suggesting that this could work in a toxic work environment. But if OP likes their job and does like their team, then this could be an alternative. If not, then this wouldn’t apply.
I’ve struggled with this my whole career. I’ve had to suck it up and show my face occasionally.
Push for and even take lead in planning social team things -during- work day. Group lunches or breakfasts during work hours, or a walk outdoors in afternoon.
I had a coworker once that wasn’t much of a drinker or socializer, but had agreed to come out to happy hour for me. We got there and he went straight to the bar and pounded 3 shots of whisky and went home.
Just say you don’t drink and don’t feel comfortable being at a bar around others drinking. Ask if there’s anything about your performance during working business hours that indicates you’re not a team player.
Rising Star
lol. Who do you think we work for?
At some places, socialising is part of the job. I doubt there's a way around this other than getting a job somewhere else
I am the same, I don’t drink and being the sober person at a work party is torture - just go there for an hour, chat with 2-3 people and leave!
Chief
In what other ways have you not been a team player? Perhaps the happy hour note was piled on a larger note about being more engaged with your team during the day and you’re zeroing in on it.
Good to after drinks work. Get a club soda and lime. Make a few rounds, glad handing. Leave early.
I don’t drink either and rarely attend HH. But, I’ve gone to a few. I spend maybe an hour or so there. And I also find ways to bond with my team, either in work or when we have a team event.
Find a balance of what makes you happy and also makes you appear like a team player.
But if there are other reasons outside of happy hour that they have some concerns with, I would fix those. If that’s not it, and it’s because you’re not at HH, you can always attend and not drink. No one can force you to drink alcohol with your coworkers.
Before advertising I met all my friends through work. Honestly it kind of sucks to work with a bunch of strangers everyday.
Calling an individual-contributor AD or copywriter who doesn't stick around for unpaid happy hour "not a team player" is odious. But a Creative Director is responsible for his or her team. Nurturing them as individual contributors and as a team is arguably a CD's most important role. You're not a team *player,* you're a team *coach* (hopefully a player coach at least sometimes). If boozy happy hours are not your idea of a team-building event, make your own up...but do something.
Perhaps they are right! Maybe you’re not a team player. I realize that a lot of people go into creative because they’d rather be judged by their work than on their social skills. But eventually it becomes clear that the relationship thing is crucial to career success. You can get out of ALL the team events, but no matter how effective the excuse, it will hurt you. Sorry.