I’ve got one client who makes every interaction feel like a test. It's all condescending emails, last-minute demands, and constant nitpicking over things outside our scope. It’s exhausting, and part of me wants to push back just to preserve my sanity. But the other part of me knows they’re a big account, and I worry that saying something would brand me as “difficult.” Law already feels like a service job, but where do you draw the line? Would you ever push back on a client who treats you badly?

Sometimes law practice feels like being in an abusive relationship. I have one law enforcement officer I work with who my colleagues call my “abusive boyfriend” because he’s so abrasive. Most of the time I just take it in stride, understanding that I’m doing good work and his attitude doesn’t change that and his behavior is not about me. But I did have enough of it one time and told him nobody in my office (except me) will take his cases because of how he treats them. We’ve had quite a pleasant relationship since then.

In private practice where I controlled which cases I took, I’d have told a client like yours to straighten up or find another lawyer. But when you’re just one on a team, I know you can’t do that. Ask others on your team how they feel about how this client treats them, I’m sure you’re not the only one. If he’s like this to everybody then I think it’s unlikely you’ll be branded “difficult” because everybody else sees the issue. I would definitely encourage you to work on setting some boundaries. Ask ChatGPT how to write professional emails like that! It’s totally helped me when I really want to go off but need to stay professional. Things like “thank you for your feedback but that is outside the scope of our engagement” or “thank you for your request, I will need 24 hours to deliver on that for you,” can really help to set expectations and gently guide him back to appropriate attorney-client relations. He may even appreciate it, subconsciously, because if you’ll stand up to him then he knows you’ll stand up to others on his behalf.

And if not… f*ck it. There are other clients. If he wants lawyers he can abuse without consequences, he can find somebody else.

I think it’s ok to set boundaries with clients. But every client is different and you need to figure out the most diplomatic way of communicating those boundaries. Generally, before I even agree to accept representation, I detail the ground rules verbally and in writing via the retainer agreement. Sometimes, I reiterate the points in follow-up correspondence with the client. Time is money and everyone’s time should be respected.

One piece of advice: document everything, even if you think it’s minor. Save every letter, email, fax, and text message exchange so that if a fickle client comes back to you questioning your communication with them and overall representation, you’re prepared.

I think this very much depends on your year level; size of firm; size of client; relationship with the relationship partner(s) for this client, etc. As a 7th year associate at V50 I was stuck with a very abusive client but sadly given my seniority, the fact that I was up for partner the next year, and the amount of $$ the firm was making off of the client, left me with little protection from the relationship partner(s). It was a cluster, especially as it had a gender component to it (he was from a culture where women are second class and he was inappropriate/crossed boundaries a lot). Sadly, I think a lot of clients get away with this at large firms or where they generate a lot of money. Even still, I wish I did more to stand up for myself or simply requested removal from the client. If you’re at a smaller firm where you or others can draw boundaries, that’s great. I just don’t generally see that to be the case. So finding other work and trying to delicately remove yourself if you’ve reached your tolerance, may be the best route. Way too many clients get away with inappropriate and borderline abusive behavior nowadays IMO.

I work on a case with a similar client. Extremely difficult and very involved. I feel like I can’t eat lunch without getting approval. I never understood why the partners won’t push back, but then I learned how much they were paying us (and keeping me busy!) and honestly think I’d be doing cartwheels too if I were the partners collecting origination. It’s all about pain tolerance in my opinion, but I’m sure others would be able to give better advice. Good luck either way!

I have a couple clients that are just like this. I have no problem telling them they need to act more respectfully or be more patient. One thing I love telling them is when they are being pushy to get something done I say "I promise you, I want this over more than you do".

I am a solo so this may not apply to you. I am currently am dealing with a client like that right now. I took his last email and I responded to it point by point by point. He’s now looking for a way to defuse the situation.

I haven’t responded to his last email due to religious holidays starting this week I will probably reply tomorrow.

I am dealing with a similar situation . It makes me miss insurance defense . At least the client only wanted a report ever few months 😭

I once had a client who literally (yes, literally) wanted to “second chair” his case. I had to explain to him that that was simply not allowed. He would argue with me constantly about everything, and took so much of my sanity and made me question everything about myself and my experience as a lawyer. I was forced to draw boundaries with him several times and threatened to withdraw and he would shape up temporarily, but then get right back on his b/s. Eventually I ended up withdrawing from representation and once it was done, I regretted not doing it sooner. It has taken me almost a year to recover from his abuse and regain my confidence, but withdrawing was a big part of reclaiming that control.

For context, I was at a small firm then (and am solo now), so I was fortunate enough to have the ability to exercise that kind of decision making over my cases. If you’re in a situation where you can’t (which it sounds like you might be), coaching and therapy to help with boundary setting (physical and, even harder in our profession, mental) can be very beneficial.