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I think it totally depends on the extent to which she’s doing this.
Delaying lunch by 30 mins so you can eat together (on a day when you’re not starving or very schedule constrained)? Heck yes!✅ delaying lunch when that will cause some major inconvenience (getting uncomfortably hungry or having to wolf down food bc your schedule doesn’t really fit with that) - pass❌. And is it happening like a occasionally, or constantly
With the car ride- Is she just somewhat sleepy and staying awake to give you company? ✅ or staying awake when she’s DEAD tired ❌
I think it should be a *balance* of taking care of yourself and making your partner a priority.
The food thing is harder for me to be flexible on bc of my hypoglycemia
You don't need therapy. Just start doing small things that you think would be meaningful for her. For her this might not even be an extra effort at all, she might just be doing those things naturally because she loves you.
Don't be an asshole, try to do nice things for her too, things that will make her feel loved. Reciprocation is what people who are in love do for each other.
This is probably her “giving” love language and she might not be expecting you to do exactly the same things for her, you’re probably showing her your love in your own ways. Candidly talk about love language and mention that
I think perhaps instead of overthinking it i would tell her “hey you know you can sleep on car rides with me whenever you want and eat when you want because i want you to feel comfortable always” or something to that effect. and then ask her honestly if she expects that stuff completely reciprocated or not or if thats just simply the way she is
It sounds like these are ways for her to express her love and care for you. You can be honest and tell her that she does not need to do these things and that you don’t think you would be inclined to do the same. But how do you express your love for her? Does she appreciate the way that you express your love. This could be a good conversation for you both to have on what expressions of love look like for each of you and how important reciprocation (as in exact same actions) is to her?
As someone who recognizes the selfishness in myself, I understand where you are coming from. Can we work to be better? Absolutely! But you also need to evaluate what the relationship means to you and what being a partner to someone means to you.
To your question, you should talk to her about it. And say you enjoy doing these things together, but want to make sure you both prioritize your well being. And encourage her to eat without you if it’s going to be a long delay
Feeling like you owe someone because this is how they give to you is easily resolved in open honest communication. If she’s martyring herself, that could be codependent tendencies and she should resolve that. Discussing what you saw your parents do, why you do/feel the way you do/feel, how it makes you feel, love languages, etc. all workable with mature conversation.
lol what's wrong with you?! I would be extremely happy if I have a gf like yours!
Rising Star
Go to therapy, there’s things you should talk out around this
Can you breakup with her and go to therapy? It’s concerning because these things are small and meaningful. To be honest, it doesn’t cost a lot of energy to do so.
Hahaha sorry I assumed this was like a long distance trip when you’re both kinda sleepy.
Your question made me chuckle.
Some people find a lot of joy in giving and doing those kind of things. I carry all the heavy groceries out of the car for example, but I don’t expect my gf to do the same.
Do you picture a future with this woman? Would you ever want to be the one to instill or initiate those kinds of habits and values in a relationship?
From what you shared, it sounds like she’s showing the kind of care and partnership she envisions for her future together. So what do you really want if you don’t appreciate something you should be establishing first?
I respect that you don’t like it — just explain why. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Some people would love to have a woman who cares like that. Cherish and make this moment unique while being with that woman.
Jus be direct. Ask her not to be thoughtful, because it ain’t your thing..
I usually make them angry about it on purpose so I laugh instead of faint.