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If you’re both not ready, it’s not the right time. While i agree it’s a joint decision, you’re the one who has to be pregnant, carry it for 9 months, then give birth so I feel like your opinion should carry a little more weight…
Yeah.
So easy to say when he has the easiest job in it.
You’re the one carrying the child. I feel like you deserve a 51% of the vote.
Does it make a difference in the decision mathematically speaking? 51 vs. 100%?
It was opposite in my case. My wife wanted 2nd one but I was not up for it. It took atleast 4 to 5 months for both of us to come on same page. So give it sometime as this is big responsibility and both communicate and discuss pros and cons and come to conclusion.
Talk, talk, talk. This is a big decision that you can only work through by communicating to understand where each other is coming from. If you're not opposed to having another child at some point down the road, I'd hope that'd be enough for him. Unless there's something I'm missing, I don't see the need to force the issue when you're not ready.
This is a good point for therapy. Having a 3rd party who is not invested in the decision and can allow for objective suggestions and advice can be very helpful. Generally, when bumping heads like this, it comes down to a communication issue. Even though a couple could be discussing something until their blue in the face, doesn't mean it's productive. Questions that need to be considered are, why are you not ready? Is it because you just had a baby? Is it because of a career? Is it because of a previous difficult pregnancy? Is it because of finances? Or maybe you have some other, very serious, but deeply buried reason that you've not shared with your husband? For him, things to consider are...why do I want my wife to be pregnant right now? Is it because of a medical issue where he may become sterile? Is it because of his age (you being younger)? Is it for financial reasons? Is it because he feels threatened/emasculated by your career/the amount of money you make? Is there some sort of outside pressure that he has not expressed to you? Of course, those are barely surface issues that a therapist would want to discover with the two of you. Sometimes, we don't or do want something, and we don't even understand the real reason for that feeling.
I am a person who will always advocate for therapy for a marriage. This is because I have found that the way we communicate changes over time or with different events. Since we aren't "scheduled" to be updated with the same communication language/skill as our spouse at the same time, there is often a disconnect. It's good to have regular therapy to keep the line of communication open.
I wish you the best of luck. I'm sure once you're able to fully express your why, your husband will stop pressuring you.
I would want 10 kids if I get to be the dad. All the fun, none of the burden
Chelsea Handler- stepdad energy, look it up
What’s the rush?
When it came to us deciding on kids, the biggest issue was financially. Within our culture private education is a must. So I had to feel financially comfortable to have the next kid. That might have put the pin in kid #3. We spent countless night discussing this topic. It’s a really big decision!