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Happy long weekend y’all.
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I have two young children and my wife also has a high powered travel job. We both make career sacrifices for each other, we have what sometimes feels like a PMO on the weekends where we review next few weeks forward for conflicts, we get help when we can from nanny, we get babysitters so we can connect with each other, we do our best to make sure we’re both fully present for our kids when we are home. Neither of us intends to ask the other to step back and so far things are working. Of course it is not easy - very few things worth fighting for are easy.
^ this. Same for me except less spouse travel. Spouse is a baller. 3rd kid otw. PMO thing is real My wife literally announced baby #3 by dropping. "Paternity leave" on my calendar. One other thing: get off the road when you can. I've only done 6 weeks of M-Th since starting fam. Time is time. There is no substitute.
Having a strong support structure around you and your family helps. For me and my wife, who is a General Counsel at a Fortune 500 company, we’re very lucky to have parents and extended family live in the same city as us to help. Beyond that, it’s about balancing our marital and parenting responsibilities and being flexible or understanding about each other’s constraints. Communicating extremely well about upcoming crunch periods, travels, work events, etc keeps us on the same page. For example, we almost never travel out of town for work at the same time if we can plan for it so one of us is always with the kids. Weekends are sacred. We don’t care what is going on work wise, weekends are family time.
All that being said, it’s not easy and takes a lot of effort, planning and sacrifice to make it work but it has worked for us and it has been worth it.
It is really hard. The “successful” examples I know all entailed 2-3 nannies in parallel.
I’m going to find that out this year. Just had my first kid
You got it BCG1 - I’m at BCG as well and get calendar holds from my wife all the time for her travel and try super hard to limit travel. It got harder at Partner vs principal unfortunately but I keep trying every week to make it a 2 night gone week. Have had more 3-4 nights gone than I’d like this year so far but I keep pushing.
Outsource!
^ I’m at BCG as well. How do you suggest I enforce the “cannot be at client because my wife is traveling” situation with a partner who has a stay at home spouse? Feel like I’m being judged negatively for having that “problem”
My husband is a Partner and I’m a Director - and to be honest - everything that’s been said above is great advice, but for us, I will likely take a step back and try and stay home more with the kids....
Thanks everyone. I appreciate the advice.
P1 - stick up for yourself and your boundaries. I know it is tough as a principal but to go into long term business together you need a partner that understands boundaries and they can only understand if you are really clear about it. If you want to chat more feel free to drop a burner.
Key is - managing travel, weekly planning and having a support model ( nanny + parents). And be ready when at times things come off the rails and you both have to work and establish the equilibrium. But overall - I feel it's critical for our kids to see that both mom and dad work as a team and not give up because it was path of least resistance.
It sux
It’s extremely hard. And D1 captures the sentiment some days. We live by the motto “we’re doing the best we can.” Finding time to connect with your spouse is so important and helpful; beyond the transactional plans. Consciously incorporating joy into regular life is a big goal of ours. Also seek ways to outsource as much as possible in terms of housework etc.
It is getting increasingly difficult to not both travel at the same time, and we have no family here 🙁 Looks like one of us needs to step back.
So... if you actually want to raise your kids, and have a life with your spouse, having 2 high level careers, especially in Consulting, isn’t realistic? Not being snarky- I find the whole notion of “having it all”, and the question of why there aren’t more women in high power positions, very confusing. Why in the world would you put yourself and kids through all that? How many people can do that kind of juggling week after week and not crack one way or another?
P4- what’s the upside? Do you & your spouse enjoy what you do so much that it’s worth it? Or is it that you enjoy the money? “Consciously incorporating joy” into life sounds like another item to check off your to-do list.