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Anecdotal but a lot of parents of ABCDs I know actively discourage and warn their kids about being “trapped for a green card.”
You’re absolutely right!
It could be cultural differences too! I have many ABD friends and I am from india! While we get along as friends, our view of marriage and relationships are different. Maybe that could be one reason.
Rising Star
Cultural difference is hands down a valid preference. With so many different views, for sure it’s better not to proceed. But my experiences were very smooth with a lot of similarity in personal, professional, religious, spiritual, relationship and marriage values but the moment where I was born conversation started, I got ghosted without any explanation. I feel bad if the image that my accent is desi could be a turn off. If there is a thought or shame of having a homeland born as your spouse in the American born community. I could be wrong or overthinking but want to know if there is something else that’s triggering.
There’s a perception that those born in India (specifically men) are more misogynistic or conservative those of us raised here. Obviously not always the case but definitely a stereotype that could account for people being turned off.
OP- parents are not forcing anything. But the suggestion that they are suspicious about their kids’ desi spouses because of GC reasons is false.
I know ABDs (especially men but also women) whose parents would love to have a bride/groom from the homeland since those kinds of people connect more with the parents. They speak the language, are perceived to be more homely (although this is often false), and can instill Indian values in the grandkids.
It’s “barking up the wrong tree.”
Rising Star
Thanks acc1.
Born in India but grown up here. I’ve talked to a few guys on dating apps who recently moved to the US a few years ago. My experience has been very positive and I actually have enjoyed talking to them more than others. I think partly because I still am very Indian - sometimes probably more than Indians themselves. And I’ve found the guys to be open minded and we’re on the same wavelength about career, gender equality, etc. In some cases they’ve been a bit immature but Idk how much of that I’d attribute to not growing up here.
It's a perception issue don't fight it just move on...
I think it also has to do with how they indentify themselves...so 50% of the person may align with Indian values and 50% with American culture and so being with an Indian may feel way too "Indian". And with another American Born Desi this dichotomy and identity is easier to share and connect upon because otherwise it feels like something is missing.