https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/womens-blog/2014/oct/03/when-will-we-stop-calling-successful-women-abrasive
Received performance feedback this week that praised me for my technical competence, project management, and leadership skills......and also said there "might be a risk" that my communication style (competent, confident, directed and assertive) could be "perceived as" "abrasive".
I'm so tired of programming being directed at women on how to have Executive Presence, Confidence, Assertiveness, etc. without there also being programming about unconscious bias, sexism, and double standards.
I feel this so deeply 😔 the feedback was always “be more confident” now its “watch your delivery”. Feels like I cannot win
That’s what gets me every-time. The inconsistency
There is definitely a double standard. I was called rude and aggressive in my performance review. All my team members on last audit except for Partner were male. In meetings managers routinely interrupted, talked over me, didn't give a word or corrected me when I was right. Junior assistant manager attempted to present my work areas to managers and Partner. He hogged attention to himself in meetings and applied various uncooperative communications tactics. When I called him out in the meetings and advised to stick to work allocation and agenda, managers said I acted inappropriately and have problems with my conduct. Female Partner jumped in and supported managers. She seemed to cater for men a lot and didn't call out men's behaviour once.
Great points, very well said! Another thing is that women that are in management often play along and adopt the same attitudes as men.
I was told that my face gives an impression that I consider all work tasks “stupid” and am “not excited” about doing them. Cannot help but wonder what should a woman do when accepting a task, apart from saying “sure, when do you need it” with a straight face to not come across as a raging bitch? smile? giggle? excessively nod? jump up and down? bet my male colleagues would be praised as “concentrated”, “serious” and “professional” for the same demeanor. ugh.
Same. If I had a years salary for every-time someone spoke over me, interrupted me, and then wanted to talk about my communication style being aggressive or abrasive, or how I’m “too emotional” when they don’t get the answer they want to hear, don’t want to make a necessary decision, provide some necessary thing…
I could retire.
Just to level set! Remember they called Michelle O angry & aggressive! Meanwhile she was the First Lady!