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I have kids; I do understand—shit happens here and there for a day or two. Several months, however, is an untenable situation and they need to figure out a tenable childcare situation.
That said, I’d ask HR first before the conversation just to make sure it’s phrased properly.
Chief
I’d ask HR what’s cool so you don’t accidentally do something illegal. Sounds wild, but it can never hurt to have more info and there are things that are protected by the law. If you don’t know what they are, ask first to avoid getting in the hot seat yourself
Standard procedure is tell HR you have an employee performance issue you’d like to make sure you are handling correctly. They’ll help you prepare then you have the talk with the employee sometimes they join as a witness.
Rising Star
Are the kids disruptive to the work?
I would focus less on the employee's time and more on what they are supposed to deliver. You've mentioned it is disruptive in meetings with clients, which is a clear deliverable. What else are they delivering less of than peers?
I would also not allow them to restrict meeting available as Google suggested. If everyone else is expected to be available from, 8:30-5, they can't say only 2-4pmworks for meetings. Sure ducking out for a 30min drop off or pick up daily is okay but you generally need to be available to do your job
What would the message be? If you want to talk to them because there's an actual impact on work (eg kids screaming is distracting, they don't seem to be available as much as needed or something), I think that's probably fine if it's in your purview to do so, and if not, you can bring that up to whoever manages you/them.
If it's more about the optics (not being on camera) then I think you should let it go.
Rising Star
If the main issues are : their work environment is distracting to the team (tons of background noise) and they’re not following team norms (being on camera) then make it about that. It’s irrelevant that their kids are probably the issue. If they were working from a jet ski or a loud coffee shop the feedback would be the same.
Similarly, if they’re not delivering the work they’re expected to, that’s the feedback. There isn’t a reason to bring up the kids or childcare. That just makes it risky for you and easy for them to deflect and make it about you hating kids or something like that
Explain the situation to HR just as you did to us. They will give you a script that shields you and your firm from liability (and likely join the call to listen into whatever conversation you have).
I have a kid and this would be unacceptable to me. But, is the person delivering what they should on time? I’d also talk to HR to understand how to approach the situation.
Rising Star
What is the material impact on work? Why do you need them on camera?
Rising Star
Then I think that’s what you talk about and keep it at that. “When you’re trying to talk to us, it’s often difficult for us to hear you because of background noise. Is there a certain time range that works best for you to create a quiet space?” Start there.
Rising Star
The screaming/disruptions during calls and every time the employee talks is a problem, and you should bring it up to them.
The video thing is not a real issue - who cares if other people are on video? There's no impact to the discussion if they have their video on or not in most circumstances. If it's a meet and greet with a client or important client meeting/presentation and everyone needs to be on video, communicate your expectations in advance.
Rising Star
I have kids but that's not acceptable except for on rare occasions.
Depends on the age of the “kids.” I’ve been trying to get my 1-year-old into daycare since earlier this summer and was told no openings till January. I’d approach this by asking what the childcare circumstances are and going from there. Maybe they’re on a waitlist and will be offloading them soon. (All that said, if my job depended on it, I’d figure something out in the meantime.)
Definitely would have this conversation at some point, maybe during reviews or regularly scheduled check-ins. If the kids are a bit older, their school year should be starting right about now and will be basically gone during work hours. Good luck!
Pro
Is their work getting impacted? This is a friendly chat with the coworker at best. Don’t be TA