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Why would you say "besides therapy"? For me therapy was the only way to address these issues (and realizing I was/am an alcoholic and getting into AA two and a half years ago at age 56). Medication also helped.
How about you stop acting as if you know what is going on in my life? My big hobby happens to involve animals that rely on me. They provide me with immense therapy and are, in fact, used in professional therapeutic settings. I have a new therapist. I have a family. I have a side hustle. I am constantly working on my mental health. Constantly. I don’t need some punk who doesn’t know me to tell me how to run my life. If you had an inkling of my life, you’d prob change your tune a bit. This sounds like you’re projecting due to hiding your own trauma. Oh, and btw, my “hobby” is also what led me to my realization of this buried childhood stuff, not my years of going to a therapist.
Get out of the industry. I’ve struggled with similar things and tried all the things (working out more, therapy, etc). My big breakthrough was realizing that the ad industry (and probably other consulting fields) just feed into it and I’m better in a field that doesn’t bring out the worst of myself.
just leave a field hes worked in for decades at the age of 45? that's not real advice
I have been there! 17 years of relevant highly desirable experience before I made it to director. I was 41 before I was promoted to director. What I realized once I got promoted was that none of it was worth it. Naming the emotions helps. Daily journaling, meditation, deep breathing all help to keep the mind calm. Don’t let it prematurely age you (it will if you don’t let it by doing the above). Go find another job.
And yes! Always have a side hustle. It will help more than anything above.
Try something to relieve stress like working out or a meditative hobby
I have similar rage. For me, working out doesn’t just help reduce the anger, it clears my mind and helps me realize my anger was misplaced. It’s not perfect, but it’s been a useful tool.
Making mistakes and burning bridges isn’t good, but at least it’s lead you to recognizing a harmful pattern. And it seems like you’re taking ownership. That’s growth.
Have you tried group therapy or anything with an anger management focus? Know it’s still in the therapy space but might be helpful with the additional perspectives and support.
No, but I will look into that. Thank you!
IFS therapy will get you through that. Look into it if you haven't heard of it. Andrew Huberman also did a podcast about it recently.
Our childhood traumas are surmountable. Best of luck to you
I’ll look into this. Thanks! I just started listening to him a few weeks ago, so I’ll look for this episode.
EMDR, look into it and find a good therapist who specializes in this. It's life changing and will diffuse how much your trauma still affects you.
Check out opencenter.org. It’s a great resource to help you grow and heal wounds. I love therapy. I think everyone should be in therapy. But, I found the Open Center a place where I could explore other sides of me to gain more understanding. Good luck!
I’ve never heard of this. Thank you!
Not sure if this applies to you at all, but I learned about family scapegoating abuse a couple years ago and it was a revelation. Those patterns were playing out in my jobs and keeping me down regardless of my talent. Found a therapist who specializes in this and she has helped immensely. There is good info on YouTube also. Narcissistic/alcoholic family systems tend to have a scapegoat dynamic.
And btw, I went to several different therapists over many years and no one has helped me the way this therapist has.
I had a friend tell me this a few days ago, and that’s wise to look it up and research the dynamics. I didn’t realize that the same patterns could be playing out in the workplace. Not seeing someone, sure, but not a scapegoating dynamic. It’s both fascinating and maddening.
I’m so sorry for your past pain. It’s amazing how it sticks with you despite so much effort. Agreed that therapy is where you will make the biggest progress. But you can’t do it constantly. Sometimes you need to sub in Other things that help even a little. It’s a journey. You will get there. Walking. Self help books. Meditation. Check in with yourself five times a day and remind yourself of your priorities, including how you want to communicate and what matters to you. Journaling. Learning how to stop when you realize you were spiraling. (Find a tool or two to help you do this, practice it so when you need it, you have the muscle memory to just do it.) Solo day trips once a month if you can swing it.
Thank you so much! I have a pretty solid self-help practice and an ample life outside of work. My hobbies and side hustle are amazing (besides the hustle not gaining enough traction.) I know it seems silly then that I’d still struggle with this issue. I think much of it is lack of consistent connection, as I spend a lot of time alone, but I don’t know for sure. This deep revelation isn’t even a week old, so I’m working through it. I do think my time at my current job is almost done though. I need a fresh start.
Rage is generally provoked by a trigger, and it sounds like you have a good idea of what those trigger(s) are which is great. One way to work through those triggers is EMDR, which is a special kind of therapy aimed at unwinding those patterns that you are “stuck” with. Not all therapists do it, so it might be worth researching it to see if it sounds beneficial for you.
Extreme fitness/endurance challenges have also helped me. And by extreme I mean really pushing my mind and body to the limit. But don’t just jump into this.
And there’s an app called Trident Mindset that I really like.
Also, thank you for the app suggestion. I haven’t heard of that.
Something else that Sitting in my car or some other private space by myself, and speaking an email into my phone that I sent to myself. I say everything. Everything that is bugging me at that moment, the feelings that are coming with it, and what I would like to do, no matter how terrible. I send it. I set a reminder on my phone to read it after a day of using other methods, specifically working with my dog who is an ESA. Doing physical activity. Things like that. Then I go back and read it and often times I will print it, and either send it through the shredder or burn it if I can. For whatever stupid reason, I find it immensely satisfying, and it helps me to not just compartmentalize things when they bother me, but to completely ditch the BS That is driving me crazy. I hope you find this helpful!
Thank you for this helpful reply!
Just…just go to therapy.
I have. This was not helpful at all. There’s work to do outside of therapy too.
Please look into a therapy technique called EMDR. It was the only thing that truly helped me release some things. I can discuss them and not get that visceral physical response that I used to get that really reached havoc on my day-to-day.
So you came seeking some guidance but then jumped all over someone who tried to give some while providing a bunch of context that you didn’t previously share but are acting like that person ignored it. This also feels like a heightened response that feels disproportionate to the comment that was made. Came here to offer some thoughts but guessing now that you don’t really want to hear them.
Based on your reply here, no, I do not want to hear your thoughts. Thanks though!