Any tips on improving patience at work? I tend to lose my temper pretty often. Most of the times it happens when either when my team's output is not as per expectations after one iteration or its a third party giving some sub-par output (even first time). Wfh has helped where I don't have to give an immediate reaction, I can take a pause and then give feedback. But it is very difficult to do that everytime and I tend to become very direct and clearly convey my disappointment.

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Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Lmaooooo are you my last SM?!

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If there is a pattern of receiving subpar work from multiple different people, then the problem is you.

No-one likes to work with people who have anger problems. They also get desensitized to your reaction because you're never happy anyway.

You may have unrealistic expectations of others. The reality is that there is no objective measure of 'good', without knowing clearly what you're after people will never meet it. Or possibly your standards are so high and specific that others simply aren't willing to put in the overtime to meet them. They don't owe you their life, especially if you can give them little in return.

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If it's a company culture thing, then they need to realign their expectations or quit.

That battle is well above their pay grade.

If they want to pick the battle, then they need to act the part and truly be an inspirational leader.

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First, never yell.

Second, Treat everything as a failure on your part to effectively communicate and assess what you could have done better.

You'll get better at outlining exactly what you're looking for, while also making it harder for things to not be perfect by the third iteration - if things are still not meeting expectations by that time, you're justified in getting frustrated.

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I found it important to write down expectations. “To recap what we just spoke about, I expect x,y,z” has not only helped my team but when I had a poor performer, HR could use my written instructions as evidence.

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Anger is an emotion, that comes from unmet expectations. Lower your expectations or clarify those with people.

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likesmart

;_;

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Read and re-read before you hit send. Ask yourself if what you are sending is going to drive improvement or be abrasive and cultivate dismissiveness or fear

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Take a pause before you speak

OP as others have said it’s a combination of expectations vs what you are helping them envision. Unfortunately this isn’t a them issue it’s a you issue.

Are you new to the role (Manager level?)

At the end of the day this is a people business and you will get stuck where nobody wants to get staffed with you if you are always known to a pain in the A$$.

Long ago as a new associate I had these two Managers on a project who were very much like this. I was an experienced hire and we had a come to Jesus meeting as I wasn’t going to sit there and deal with it. I came out good on it but maybe that’s what you need. Someone to check you. 🤷🏻‍♂️

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Set earlier interim deadlines and iterate more so deadline pressure is reduced. Never give feedback in the immediate moment, give direction to solve the short term. Gather yourself and then give feedback in a designated session. To give feedback use I/me pronouns in an escalating manner (path is for each type of mistake) Call it an observation the first time, make a joke the second time, say it very directly and call it a pattern as feedback the third time, and role them off/sabotage their career if they repeat the mistake a fourth time

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So you are perhaps facing a few emotions at the same time,
1. You’re dissatisfied with the output
2. You’re dissatisfied about your reaction to the output (anger)

Note that keeping 2 in place doesn’t help solve 1. So the first step is to acknowledge that there’s a reason to how you feel, and not to blame yourself.

Second step is to find out why you feel what you feel. Perfectionism could often be driven by fear of judgments or consequences. It could be that earlier in your career that was the only way you were taught to do things. Could be that one has internalized others inputs over the years. You need to first let that fear go, otherwise you could be driving yourself and others crazy.

Try switch to a slower / more paced environment by changing projects, clients or jobs. Take the time to let your mind realize that it doesn’t need to panic to survive. Don’t treat that as another problem that you’re trying to solve with a perfectionist mind. You’ll be fine.

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