Anyone deal with a wife who gets upset just with the prospect that you will be traveling? Have been lucky with remote work, now have first travel project coming up, and it’s just not going well alread

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travel is not your actual problem. This is a marriage issue not a job issue.

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Definitely. The two of you needed to have an honest conversation before you started this job, and you didn’t. Not pointing fingers or laying blame, just stating a fact. The path to resolve at this point is still through honest conversation and it sounds like you are still not having it.

We are only getting one side of the story and don’t have enough information to be able to tell exactly what the issue is — could be that you oversold your ability to work remotely, could be that your wife feels like you are putting her in the position of being the one who blows up your job, could be she doesn’t feel you understand what you’re asking her to take on, could be that she’s not willing to honest, could be a lot of things. But fundamentally, the two of you need to have an honest conversation about priorities in your marriage. That’s the actual issue. The travel thing is a symptom.

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Take an internal rotation or permanent role and get off the road. NOTHING is worth more than focusing on your family. I've spoken to Partners EDs who say they're "happy" but they're the same ones pinging you sats snd suns. Oh wait you're divorced? I see. Not saying it can't work, but getting there requires sacrifices and no one will argue against one of those sacrifices being fam.
If she's complaining it's already a problem. Don't let it get out of hand. Hope it works out!

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For you to be successful in consulting she needs to be independent and on board.

Decide what’s more important to you, a job or your wife. If it’s the former, start engaging an attorney so you have your ducks in a row when you file for divorce, if the latter, start networking with recruiters and look for a new opportunity wth much less travel

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She’s in school, and will require someone to pick up our daughter in the morning, and possibly drop off, she’s upset that I will be away from our daughter, but first she says she supports it, until it’s actually a reality.

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I tried remote - didn’t like it, I like interacting with people, I need action, motion, and like to see more than just my basement, is that not normal?

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BCG1 - Possibly

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BCG1 - All good points thanks

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To be clear, fact that you’re gone a few nights a week does not mean your child is worse off if you are present when you’re home. You can be home every night and still be distracted. Also, hire people to do drop off and pick ups. And talk to your wife

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EY2 - I’m looking into that now, you’re right, just hope I can find an internal role, that’s actually a good job.

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A2 - I think it’s resistance to me focusing on that role, yes, not structural.

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Already, and haven’t even started yet

Does she know what you do for a living?

I traveled about 65-70% of 2017 ... it’s part of the job!! Talk to her, figure out what she’s so upset or worried about, and then figure out a solution. But make sure she understands that remote work is less likely than onsite and typically not the norm.

Ask her point blank if you should find a new job. Tell her you won't be upset

I wish I had a silver bullet for you. We have flat ups every so often, more so because my travel is random, scattered and last minute. Having three kids certainly adds another variable. It is a communication issue at it’s core. Sometimes I do well with it and sometimes I don’t. I do like to pepper in the conversation, at the right time, how lucky we are to have all of these miles and points. It has allowed us to take a free family vacation about once per year. Of course timing is everything to avoid it coming off like a tit-for-tat.

I would provide a lot more detail here gentlemen, but would probably give up my anonymity, I am taking your advice though, thanks all.

BCG2 - That makes me feel better, I was already starting to feel guilty about being away from my daughter. But I thought about my grandpa who was in business, and my best friends Dad, they would be gone for WEEKS at a time, just feel like it’s a little unfair to have to feel bad about it.

Remember OP we work in a time of technology now.

I have 2 boys, one is 4.5 years and the other 2.5 months. I FaceTime almost everyday with them, well mostly with the older boy because the younger one doesn’t do much. It helps everyone stay connected on the road. If that means I step out of the team room at 2pm depending on the time zone or I get up at 3am to chat it’s just what I do

Late to the party, but - realize that this is a change in routine for everyone. You’re focused on the travel assignment, but for them it’s just a hassle. There is fear, frustration, and resistance to that disruption. You have to judge whether this is a transition thing or a structural challenge in your marriage.

Also, now that I read what I wrote, I really need to step away from the keyboard and stop talking like a consultant... 🤣

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