Being a woman in tech, I only recently started advocating for myself at work about advancement opportunities. Because of this I wanted to ask this question to my male counterparts. When you have 1:1's with your direct reports and talk about career growth / aspirations what is your managers’ response typically? I’d like to gauge how my experience (negative) differs from others. For instance are you met with blockades, enthusiasm, dread, etc?

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I’ve got things I need to improve, but then, comes performance review time, I got evaluated on different criteria altogether. I think my boss likes my team mate (a man) more than me, and he got offered ownership of the things I worked on without me being considered at all, because of “leadership”.

On thé 1:1, it’s all cheery and sunny, until performance review time, that is

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Unfortunately that "all sunny until performance review time" happens more often than it should. As a male manager who at times has been "coached" by HR because I was overly blunt, direct, "harsh" in my coaching style, that wasn't generally an issue between myself and my direct reports. That said I did have some managers who typically avoided the "hard conversations" until performance review time. Their reasons ranged from trying to always foster a positive and supportive developmental environment to being cowards. No one likes having unpleasant conversations, I get that. I also get that in today's work environment, its harder than ever to get the balance right, heaven knows, at least two HR VPs would say, I rarely did. For my part, at this point in my career, I fully accept that I am far better interacting with demanding and difficult customers than difficult employees and thankfully, that's where I am able to direct the majority of my efforts. I only really have two things to add that may be of use on this topic. First, when you get those unpleasant surprises, inconsistent feedback during performance reviews how do you respond/challenge your manager? I know this can and often is an unpleasant, scary thing for an employee to do, but over the course of the prior review period what feedback were you expected to notice and understand to make corrections and adjustments that you did not? Do you ask the manager that directly? You can't fix/change what you don't know you are doing less than excellently if you don't know what it is; and if clairvoyance is an undocumented requirement of your position at this company, I recommend you leave both, especially in this era of historically low unemployment and high demand for skilled technical professionals. Second, if/when you feel you are getting cheered on, and "rah, rah'ed" challenge that as well and push your manager to provide more substantive feeedback at that time. If you're not getting some feedback on a more regular basis (monthly or at least quarterly) feedback from your manager on your projects and taskings, then proactively seek it out. In give your manager a more frequent chance to give you feedback, if he/she is a good manger they'll appreciate that; if they are a coward it will force their hand.

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I agree with this. Joining the current company I work for after UC Berkeley grad school in CS, you should’ve seen the faces of the males on my team whenever they double asked me if I really finished such a prestigious school with such a high degree. Meanwhile, none of that “what really?” existed towards the male counterparts on my team when they would speak of their equally “wow” background. Moreover, many of the projects I was the main contributor of would get named after my male teammates who did only 10% of the code and documentation. And it annoyed me, and really hurt my feelings deep down every single time their name was called out in the meeting to speak of project progression, and not mine. Every time the service I created was called “theirs” just because they were more senior than me. It hurt my feelings I’m not going to lie. But hey, I am so super grateful for that. Why? Because:
1. It hardened me. I became much more tough, and less sensitive on these issues because to me, how I do my work is more important than the praise I get for it. After a while, the team started calling referring to me as the owner of my many services and not someone else. Because my effort did not decrease by their lack of appreciation. Actually, the opposite.
2. I started speaking up more, giving back as much of my opinion as I have during all different types of discussions. And when progress on the project I’m involved in is asked, I step in first and communicate clearly and strongly. And I noticed the shift that happened: my name is called out every time now when asked about the progress.

Conclusion? Sexism in tech is real. You will get put down because of your gender. But that’s all at first. If you put in enough effort and as much of you on the table as you possibly can, you will earn the respect you deserve. But most importantly, you will grow into an even stronger engineer and woman. And that’s to be applauded.

likesmartupliftingfunny

I love this so much! I encounter this sexism more frequently than I'd like too. This is very encouraging and I hope to continue to be an evangelist of equity and diversity in data!

likesmarthelpful
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In my experience it really depends- I've had a wide range of experiences ranging from blatant sexism, to not being listened to, to it never coming up at all. Company culture and the CEO, as well as the location of the job, all play a factor in this.

What is a 1:1.

My experience was Honktastic!

As a woman in this field, I did have a male supervisor (not mine thank heaven) and he would go take the guys in his team to play foosball or Smash Bros and leave all the women to cover. It was reported to HR but it took weeks of it happening for anything to happen. Luckily he was fired, but it was obvious he was biased. Now this isn't the case with all male managers. I think it's a person by person situation. I would always ask what can I improve on or if there were things said that I need to know to improve. I was always given chances to improve and never felt less than my male counterparts. However, there was a level of "mansplain" and I simply stood up in a professional way to them and said, you don't need to break it down for me like that. I asked this question, answer that question. It's a check and balance thing for me. They get all high and mighty I let them know they are and they back down. I get all up in my head and they bring me down.

I was recently let go
For bringing up the fact that the managers are ultra sexist- in my case the slight went to the other way, but you're exactly right to feel like that. I'm actually universally grateful to finally be out of that place. Management lacks real world experience as it is the first job they got out of college- the only thing that keeps the doors open at that place is the minority business women tax credit and treatment- which I'm not against but I am against blatant discrimination unless you have your Dd boobs hanging out and
Are sexually active with team members , no promotions - overlooked and blown off when you bring it up- and get fired for simply sharing that this is your experience

ALL CORPORATE SLAVE BS

🤝🏽🤝🏽

I have had bad experiences too, look for a new company or department - if you make the alliance directly they will create a job for you and transfer you. Many managers want to keep you down. I was told that I was already making too much because I was hired at a rate that was higher than the market rate, so I should not expect a raise.

Going well

It really depends on the manager. I've had a wide array of manager types. One great one really helped my career advancement by helping me build a roadmap (which I followed) to get me to where I am today. I don't know if I would have gotten here otherwise. Others almost never talked about career advancement.. I'm not as assertive with it now but I've also gotten much closer to the end path of where I want to be. I don't think I've had blockades before or managers who thought I was a threat though.

I agree totally.

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