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When I couldn’t stop without intervention, despite wanting to. I got to the point where I was drinking a lot every day (around 375ml of bourbon daily, more on weekends), started hiding it from my family (they knew, they saw the empty bottles of whiskey), and I couldn’t go a day without it despite trying. Ended up going to my first virtual AA meeting a year and a half ago and haven’t looked back.
I tried to quit alcohol many times but I couldn't stay quit. Three times I made it longer than a year, 21, 26, and 30. But every time I went back to drinking it was a little worse than before. I didn't drink every day but once I started drinking I could not stop. I knew this and tried to manage my life and relationships around it. It was exhausting and becoming harder to manage. Toward the end (age 33- 34) I determined my problem was that I was trying to keep alcohol out of my life and it would be better if I could just introduce it into my life more. This is when I started drinking before work, during work, while driving. None of this is new but it became a regular occurrence. I was deeply depressed. Had suicidal ideation all the time. Nothing catastrophically bad happened. Fender benders but no arrests, missing work but not fired and no consequences, fights with my spouse but no threats of divorce. But eventually I could see where it was headed, I knew I couldn't fix this myself, so I tried AA and it's changed my life 2 years on. Really enjoy it and no desire to drink as well has fixing a host of other problems I have.
The real threat of losing my job is what made me finally reach out for help. I had made the decision to quite many times before that, it wasn't until I got help that I was able to stay sober for longer than two weeks at a time.
Similar to CC1. I just couldn’t change my habits without help. I also reflected and realized how much more I was drinking and frequently by myself. I also started hiding my drinking from my wife which was also a huge flag. My life hadn’t fallen apart but it was impacting me in a big way. I then white knuckled not drinking for a while but really hadn’t stopped in my mind. Did some AA for a bit but really just through that and even like reading on the poison that alcohol is… I just truly wanted this stop.
2 years in and zero regrets. Now I look back and think… why did I hang onto that so much? It was doing beyond nothing for me.
Thanks for this. I can identify a lot with the hiding from my spouse and white knuckling going without. I find myself out at restaurants, esp work dinners, knowing I want to drink because something sounds good and everyone else drinks. But then by the end, I don’t regret not drinking at all even though I’m surrounded by it. There’s a certain freedom in it I enjoy, but admittedly still want to go back eventually (pending some health questions I’m dealing with)
I think people over complicate it. In part, that is because we try to compare ourselves to others which isn't even an easy comparison to see. And also denial is part of addiction. When you simplify it, it's just like everything else in life. If it's a problem, you try to fix it. If you try alone and fail, then you get help.
As a recovering alcoholic myself, I can say that there's no single answer that fits everyone. When you're ready, you'll know it. Sometimes it will take some other catastrophic event. I was at one point putting down a handle of Crown every two days. I fell down at home and did some damage to my back and shoulder. I went to the ER and they took one look at me and started treating me for malnutrition and low potassium instead of the injury I came in for. I was told I was less than a week from dying. THAT got my attention. Been sober since.