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I’m on day 6 of my second kid. I learned my lesson this time around. If you have a chance to sleep when the baby is sleeping you do it. You absolutely cannot plan on getting sleep later because just when you think the little munchkin is figured out they flip the script on you.
Nothing like when you have a plan but they poop in the brand new diaper you put on them so you have to get a new, then pee on that one and their clothes so you have to change them all over again, then spit up on the new clothes because they were lying on their back too long since you had to change them twice and now that you have gone through three outfits they’re not tired from the feeding and they are awake and wailing because they’re upset and their throat hurts from spitting up and you have to rock them back and forth for 45min to get them to fall asleep and finally, with your back hurting, you get to sit down but, wait no... it’s actually been 2 hours since the first feeding and you need to feed them again... at 3am. FFS why did we choose this for ourselves?
Oh wait, it’s because you’ll never feel more elated in your life than when they start laughing at you being silly, or smile at you, or when you’re away for a while and come home and they are in the window screaming “Daaaaddy!! And waving furiously at you in excitement.
this is 10x harder than consulting but don’t let the tough parts make you miss how amazing every day really is. I had it rough with my first one, wasn’t even sure my marriage would survive, but now my wife and I see how ridiculous we were. Honestly, It takes a village, DM me if you want to chat or vent.
Oh and hats off to all they stay at home moms and dads. That shit is hard.
Beautifully written and spot on. Week 3 of our second here. This is more accurate than anything you’ll read in any book about parenting.
The same way I did for the last 13 years with 4 kids, you just do it. You will get used to it eventually. Even though my youngest is 3 now, I find I can still get by on 4 hours of sleep if needed.
I do recommend a nice recliner so you can sleep a bit more comfortably with the baby laying on top of you napping. Best feeling there is.
Month 9 and I’m still not used to it
Lots of good advice above. I’d also add a recommendation for nutrition, hydration, and cutting alcohol
Also, get everybody blackout curtains. Major QoL upgrade
Try to split the load with your wife by rotating nights if possible. There’s no benefit to both of you being wiped out.
It’s the hardest adjustment you’ll have to make. It will take time. Just let us wash over you 😂 had to fly across the country to work on a CDD the 3rd week after my son was born and crank out 70 hour weeks. You’ll live
One thing I sometimes had to remind myself is that the sleep (and the crying) only improve as they grow, and honestly the time passes quickly when you look back on it. My kids are four and six now and the infant stages are a blip on the radar... although I do remember being very tired. 🙂
It is such a tough adjustment. Sleep when they sleep, coffee when they are awake, and figure out how much of your domestic chores you can afford to outsource. I had to adjust my standard of tidy for a few months because I’d never choose laundry over sleep.
You will adjust faster than you realize and pretty soon a 4 hour stretch will make you feel like the champion of the world.
Last thing- a skin to skin nap is the greatest thing in the world.
One month in on our second and just came to say, you got this. It gets better. Good advice above from folks. I’ll just second sleep when you have the chance, cut yourself a lot of slack, take as much help as you can get/people will offer. Support and empathize with your partner and try to laugh as much as you can together.
Once you catch your breath, try to savor the bonding time as a new family. Things will start to go by much more quickly now (at least they did for us).
For me personally, the first 10 days were the hardest. Then it got better and I started to adapt more effectively.
Nothing is more important than your new job
My wife and I did shifts. One of us would take 6pm-12am. The other would take 12am-6am. That way we each got at least 4-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. The first few months with a newborn you are in survival mode. Sleep when you can, eat when you can.
Schedule feeding vs demand feeding. Follow a schedule- they will sleep through the night in 3 months or less.
It will take a while, but it will get better. Congrats! Try not to care too much about things that don’t matter and enjoy the ride.
You’re all fantastic people. Thank you