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I was faced in a similar situation a year ago. I don't necessarily regret it because it made me realize some things about our relationship.
It's a yes and a no. I sometimes wish we worked things out by making better decisions but sometimes I think if I did choose him over my dream job, I don't think I would be as happy as I am in my career.
When I was interviewing for grad school, one of the program directors sat down with me and said “we really want you to come here, what is holding you back?” And I told him that my boyfriend didn’t want to move and that I was leaning towards that relationship over the program. He told me that he took a job that ended his marriage, and it was the biggest mistake of his life. I was offered a spot in the program and declined, opting for one closer to home. Fwiw, I’ve been married to that boyfriend for 8 years and we just had a beautiful baby together. I’ve never regretted prioritizing that relationship over my career.
Is this relationship serious? Is it one that you would like to continue? Or is this a “just for now” kind of thing? Is that job the only one like it, or could you find one closer to where you’re currently living? If you want to have kids one day, is the clock ticking? All good thing to consider.
1000% agree. I’m a male, and being conscious of my decisions effecting my spouse I too did not take a dream job in leu of having a family. Later I gained employment and we moved. If you’re religious I would say, pray about it. If you’re not, strongly meditate and ponder. Best of luck. I don’t regret my decision either. And I agree as well, clock is ticking and we wanted to be parents above gaining extremely lucrative job placements.
Do you see yourself marrying this person and spending the rest of your life with him? Because if not, by all means take the job. If the answer is yes, you all need to talk about life goals and shared trajectory in life. Compromises will be made in relationships but you should never put someone else in an ultimatum for the sake of being stubborn - this goes both ways. How do you feel about long distance? These are all things you two need to talk about before making a life altering decision.
These kinds of choices speak about us as partners in our relationships. Your decision will speak of how you value your relationship relative to your professional development, but also, I think his refusal to move speaks of his. And truly consider, “why is he refusing?” Is it stubbornness, or are there factors that anchor him? Additionally, these kinds of decisions won’t likely end after this. Do the hard work and critically look at this relationship and it’s value to each of you.
I didn't go through all those years of education, graduate early, and get a job in a location I adore only to leave for someone else. One of the hardest choices I've ever had to make, but because I'm the kind of girl who lives for herself, I had to prioritize my needs in this situation.
Woah
I'm not saying that there's something wrong with your relationship but I just want you to rethink everything. Is he worth leaving your dream job for?
How supportive is he with your dream job? If you feel like he's restricting you from following your dream job, choose your career.
Maybe you can have a deep conversation about it with your boyfriend so you both can lay out options. I understand where you both are coming from.
If you see yourself with this person for the long run, then you need to have a serious conversation about what this job means for you. That alone might help shape the future you see for yourself and your boyfriend.
Wow!
I chose love over career because I was certain I wouldn't find anyone like him anymore if I let him go. Now I'm working where I don't necessarily love, but I don't mind it as much either. If I chose my career and stayed with him, I wouldn't have had enough time to spend with him anymore because of how demanding it was. I regret nothing.
You'll grow to dislike your SO, even just a little bit, if you choose them over the opportunity. You can lose both if it ends up ruining your relationship. Take advantage of the chance, and attempt to make it work!
I don't regret anything, and I believe that if I had given up on my ambition and moved in with him straight away, I would have been bitter and unsure of whether or not we would still be together.
In my ideal world, I would like to be able to make both of them function without having to choose a decision. I would, however, always choose my career over a relationship since I don't want to be with someone who doesn't support my aspirations.
I chose my career over my relationship, and it broke us up. I had to choose between moving close to where he was, and give up my career, or stay where I am to build my career, but lose him in the process.
I didn’t go through all those years of school, to graduate early, land a job in a city I love, only to move away from it for someone else. No regrets.
I'm much happier now. I will never change my life for someone, I've put in too much time and effort into my career to be stuck because someone asked me to.
Figure out what his concerns are about moving with you. If you two can resolve those concerns and work through them then that is best. Resentment will kill your relationship and no one deserves to feel that from their partner. If you can’t work through the concerns then you need to determine if his concerns are worth you not being happy. Sacrifice is an important aspect in a relationship but it cannot be a one way street. Good luck!
No regrets at all. I chose career over relationship and my boyfriend chose me over his career. So we are still together. Without sacrificing anything because he was still able to keep his dream job.