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Hmmmmm....I have responded to a similar inquiry a few months ago, but I can't find what I recommended, so unfortunately, I am about to hit you with a lot of info now. My apologies in advance 🥹🫣.
Do you CYA with meeting notes after these feedback sessions, and include the requirement to have her sign off on presentations and deliverables in said email?
If not, it is time to implement strategic CYA, beloved💜
The best way to ensure that you are not being gaslit into feeling inadequate and to ensure there is visibility of your contributions is written documentation and external stakeholder engagement.
Case in point.
If you are working on a deck for an internal team presentation/proposal, but the implementation of that proposal will eventually affect other departments, then I would suggest:
1. Proactively scheduling several prep meetings where she is invited
- Meeting 1= Ideation
- Meeting 2= Initial Outline
- Meeting 3 = Review, Feedback, Edits
- Meeting 4= Finalize & sign off.
- Meeting 5= The proposal/presentation meeting
- Meeting 6= Proposal Meeting Retro
2. Engage key stakeholders once the idea is approved, and investigate/confirm how implementation would impact those other departments. Do this by reaching out to those external departments' leadership, sharing the outline, and requesting an SME to consult with.
3. Once the deck/proposal is complete, when scheduling the meeting; send an email with the calendar invite and a copy of the documentation in advance for all participants to review.
4. Forward the meeting email to those external dept leaders and the SMEs that you engaged to share what the final proposal was (copy in your leader) and thank them for their support and input.
5. After the presentation/meeting, amalgamate your work, review meeting minutes, and share the minutes with relevant internal stakeholders
6. During the Retro with your leader, recap the work you did, the discoveries extracted, and proactively request feedback and guidance on the next steps.
This seems like a LOT of work.... I know😮💨. But this is why I recommend these steps.
1. Proactively engaging your leader on YOUR terms, reclaims your power & reinforces that you are damn good at your job.
2. The documentation and meeting minutes ensure that claims of selective amnesia about what was discussed with your boss can't happen.
3. This strategically allows for you to be seen as
- Coachable
- Proactive
- Responsible
- Collaborative
- Future Thinking
4. It guarantees that credit for your work can't be stolen. There are too many witnesses to your excellence.
5. Builds up a portfolio of your contributions for future performance conversations, compensation negotiations, promotions, etc.
6. Reminds you who TF you are!!!
7. Politely puts her on notice not to play in your face.
Your excellence is a threat to her as it would expose her mediocrity. Rather than leveling up... she is trying to pull you down and break you🤬.
She is coming for you because she knows that she should be reporting to you; not the other way around.
Good luck, and keep your head up🙏🏾💜.
Love this
Are you working for my ex boss?! Agh massive nightmares. Honestly, I sent her my slides and notes I had written for each slide. And let her make edits 2-3 days before the presentation. But even with her edits I somehow f’d up… sooo yeah.
Have you surveyed her other Direct Reports? Is it isolated or widespread? If others are experiencing it reach across the isles so it doesn't feel so isolating. I've found that managers act like this either because they're terrible always, or there was direct feedback on your performance they're trying to correct. In either case determine the best way to approach your manager on the topic and try to find a common ground of forming trust. Ask your manager for more specific direction and to outline their expectations - it takes the problem from subjective to more objective, which is the direction you want to head. Good luck.
Unfortunately they recently quit.. she didn't give an opportunity to touchbase with her :(