Hello ladies, I need your advice. I am 32, earning 22 LPA. While searching for a guy in arranged marriage, my parents ask me to consider the guys who are 35+ but don't even earn 10 LPA. According to them, if the person is well educated and has a good family background it should be ok. But I feel these guys are not serious about their careers and if i marry them then all financial responsibilities of running the house would fall on me alone. Is my thought process right or am I overthinking?

Personal preference but you should know nothing lasts forever. When I met my husband in an arranged setup 4 years ago, he made close to half of what I used to make. Today he makes more than I do. Career is a 30 plus year trajectory and some professions have different graphs. IT has high growth early then stagnation. Lawyers and doctors sometimes earn lesser till they build their base but later grow exponentially.
If you ask me, you should consider folks earning 12 LPA and above for practical reasons but do not hold on to “earning more than I do”. Also you should be looking for compatibility and life views. A well educated and good family background doesn’t equal compatible. Basically prioritise compatibility more than other things.

A man's POV :

if I am earning 20+ then why should I go for 32yr old women I deserve young beautiful.

Money is not that much important for men....if a girl is kind and looks average he will choose her even if she is not earning.

ps- if hes kind and compatible don't loose him...

You are right. And don’t ever settle. There will be ego issues if you earn more than your husband.. there are very less no. Of men who won’t have that kind of ego.. talk to your parents about this.. I’m sure they will understand

Please atleast look for someone earning equally if not more. The cost of living is rising day by day in tier-1 n tier -2 cities and it will become difficult to manage finances in future if not managed properly.

It depends...I know a person who married a guy earning more than her..after marriage, he kept on torturing her for money, later she knew that most of his salary would go to his parents,mutual funds and for his own expenses...now the girl is the one who manages the expenses in her family, house loan and her own expense..so I feel at the end of the day, it's all destiny and there is no point in giving any advice on which is better...as long as the partner has good behaviour and if he is a good man and you like him, then proceed.

One thing that we should agree on is that in arranged marriage we will never be sure of compatibility and nature , so His earning will be some of the criteria we can actually have .

However I would still say that try to list down your requirements in at least 4-5 categories and if a person meets 3/5 also then you should consider.

Categories could be

Money

what kind of job he is in , if for some reason his job will always be in tier-3 city and you are in IT then that is a problem.

How big a family is and does he take responsibility or he is still somewhat dependent on his parents. How does he see his relationship with your parents. I have seen guys earning more than 20-30 still expecting a down payment of house or flight tickets and price money to visit them .

Looks ,if that matters for you but a big warning here not everybody will maintain their look so please take this category in low priority.

What is your plan about your financial independence and does it align with them , I have seen girls happy with their husband managing all money and still be happy but It will be a deal breaker to me , so maybe align your individual choices.

Nuclear family or non nuclear family

Does your dressing affect them and how much are you willing to adjust , are you ok in taking all responsibility of house chores or do you believe that he should also be taking care .


One truth that I feel is you will not get all your requirements fulfilled , you have to decide what is a deal breaker for you and on what categories you can be lenient on .

Please don't settle. You need to marry someone who at least earns the same as you. After all apart from earning, you'll have to look after his parents, tolerate his relatives, cook, take a career break during and post pregnancy. Even after all this, you will be taken from granted. So why settle! In short, after marriage life is hard so at least you must ensure that the financial burden is not one of the hardships.

Okay so I am sharing what I experienced. Since I was doing better financially than my partner he was always insecure that I would leave him. I helped him to get out of his debt trap, also gave a huge chunk for his investment but instead of being thankful he felt embarrassed to take financial help from me. Later on he left. So I would suggest don't go for men where the ctc difference is huge. We live in a patriarchal society where men want to marry women who have less height, age and wage.
So below 15 is way too low is what I think.

I will never suggest to marry a man who earns lower than a lady. Seen many case where fights are just because of this or if fight is on something else this point will raise. Dude this is India. Some people will never change or if he is a changed one then relatives wont let it

You will not be able to spend your salary also on yourself and everything will go towards joint contribution. What if the guy has more financial responsibility such as parents and dependent siblings. Very bad scenario. Talking from experience..

You are right dear... don't settle for less. There are very few men who don't take these things on their ego. Marriage is a big commitment, so take the decision wisely.

When I got married, my husband was earning less than me but in 5 years he switched companies and now has a good package and is employed in a good organization. Please focus both on pay and nature of the person & your compatibility. Don't just focus on the money part. Focus on other criteria as well. Rest trust your intuition.

I think you are doing right going with your guts. I believe you are an ambition driven person so to you it’s weird. I feel if the person is 35+ and earning 10LPA , it’s not only money issue. It’s that probably they are not so ambitious/putting all effort and time in career(at least in case of private job because here most of the smart and skilled employee gets better with time) so in that case even you cut salary part, it’s hard to match intellectually with the person. In case you were in early 20/ love marriage, probably other great qualities of person outrun less salary issue but in arrange marriage it’s difficult to take leap of faith. Overall how you feel with the person and compatibility between you two will give you right answer.Wish you all the best for getting suitable match.

Being a woman and married I can only tell you that in a long run, money will be second most priority , first will be the man himself. If a person is understanding, caring, respectful towards you and your family, give importance to your career as much as his own, knows how to keep valance between wife and his own family and one woman person, don't let him go just because he earns less than you. Sometimes one change in job is required to get a 200 percent hike.

1 medical emergency in either side of the family especially with ailing parents and you will be the one who will empty your savings completely. Thinks about that.

10 lpa is avg living ctc. You cant enjoy good living standard and you will be frustrated on contributing 60-70% to it.

And if he is earning 10lpa at 35+ age he is never gonna earn high. He is in his comfort zone.

I would not defy the fact that a good person with a good family background matters a lot in a marriage but financial background matters too.
You are not wrong in thinking about this as your future would depend on how much you both earn to start a family together. If the person is ready to hustle and keep moving forward and is motivated to earn more and more (regardless of the gender), they are the people you should look for. 10 years down the lane, when things will get even more expensive and raising a child would be tough, it would be a burden to the spouse earning more.
Also, don’t forget the fact that this topic would always come up in a fight, either by you or your husband, which is not healthy for a relationship. Look for a person who earns the same as you if not more.

Hey,
I have been in similar situation years back and I married that guy who is earning significantly less than me. Down the line I have realised that he married me for my money. But again not everyone is same, but when you are considering I would urge you to understand why he wants to marry you.

Im in the same boat. Running the house financially and chores wise😞. I don't have a choice

Hi
I married a guy who's not into software development and was earning around 13LPA, I was still studying. Now after 5 years, My package is 19LPA. He is earning around 6LPA(The work he is doing is automated by software), He gives me the same respect and love, We plan together when it comes to investment. He is not asking my salary to spend for his personal needs. Even if he does I don't have a problem. I also got laid off in one company, he supported me in my hard times. He is not lazy he is also working like me, sometimes luck matters to get a good salary. All men are not the same. At the end all you need is people who show love and are able to spend time with you.

When I got married I had 8 lpa and my husband had 4 lpa. Now he earns more than me. We have a kid, my career went into a semi pause mode. So we can't say. Marriage according to me is a gamble, you might or might not hit a lottery.