How are you feeling about up coming reviews? I started a new position and have been learning my role and trying to care for a kid at the same time. Feeling like that will be used against me because I’m sure those reviewing me without kids or who have husbands who watch their kids all day won’t give a damn.

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If it comes up, have suggestions ready on how you can work together to have more synergy that focuses on communication and professional actions (skip over the kid factor; if you had an elderly parent or health concerns or lived in a diff time zone, you would need to have the same convo).

My go-to is to minimize their top 3 pet-peeves - literally ask them what their top 3 “concerns” are and then do everything you can to minimize it:

- if they say you ride too close to your deadlines; deliver a day early on big projects or ‘over inform’ them of the project status (morning and evening and throw in a surprise update mid-day that makes them aware of a delay on the big projects)

- if they say you don’t talk in meetings enough (but you think you do) bring something visual (it can be something simple like stats or a bullet list that supports your plan or a competitors past something that proves your point) and take over the screen every now and then. This provides a ‘visual break’ and will be noticed when they hear your voice the more you do it (this is equal to standing up in a meeting to point at something on a board or screen).

After you get their top 3 about what they want to see you doing - give them your one top pet peeve so they can feel like you are working together. If you need more ‘flex time’, be clear about what that means for you specifically (is it logging in at 10am so you have an easy morning and you working 9pm to 10pm to compensate? Say it out loud and when 9am meetings come up, remind them that it is a challenge and ask if it can be moved).

Don’t go into a review waiting for someone to tell you you are doing something wrong— go in with A, B, and C scenarios that reflect that you can do your own self-audit, are pro-change, while always looking for ways to improve (you, them and the company).

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