How do you deal with a male boss telling you to ‘calm down’ and’ You are too sensitive’ when you state you are feeling overwhelmed with the workload? I feel like I have to pretty much be a mute at my job or else my boss will say these things to me and make fun of me. Or, AM I being to sensitive? Is there another way for me to articulate it is too much when he keeps dumping everything onto me?

Holy misogyny! All that’s missing is the occasional, “you should smile more”. You may already know this, but you need a new boss. If something upsets you, you have the right to be upset. You are NOT being too sensitive and muting yourself is only going to wear you out. Good luck out there.

I needed something from my male boss and went to ask him and he waived me off. I told a male coworker, who asked why I wasn’t leaving early on a Friday, what I was waiting for my boss to do. He went and told the boss in passing, got a response, and the boss did it immediately. Then the boss made a comment to me privately that I shouldn’t get so worked up about things. I ignored him and decided then and there, if it’s not important to him then it’s not important to me. You can only get so much done in a day. If he thinks it’s sensitive to state there’s too much work to get done in your set hours, then only do your work hours and get done what you can. For people that keep dumping stuff on me, I love the line, “I planned on doing X you gave me [yesterday/this morning/etc]. Should I put that aside to prioritize this instead?” If they still give you unreasonable responses, time for a new work environment.

In my experience, people who negate or minimize the very real emotions or reactions of other people are not used to being called out or asked about it, and it can be jarring for them.
I like to be a little snippy and perhaps petty with my responses and maybe they arent the right approach for everyone lol but I like to ask them to explain "I'm sorry you feel like I am not calm, can you explain to me why you feel that way?" "I am not entirely sure how you think my reaction to being overworked is too sensitive, can you please provide further clarification?"

I also like to point it out for what it is, "I am coming to you with a concern that I believe is very valid. If you disagree, thennmaybe we need to discuss this to come to an agreement or compromise. HOWEVER, dismissing me as sensitive does not help us come to a resolution and is unproductive. I would not treat your concerns the same way."
" In the future, if you need a moment to think of an appropriate response to my concerns, please feel free to tell me you need a minute to think about it rather than saying something disrespectful. "


In the same breath, it never hurts to reflect how you're approaching the conversation. Do you have all your facts lined up? Are you communicating the crucial points clearly? Are you getting too emotional and jumbling the points? It happens to the best of us. I'd recommend writing it all down, picking the critical points you want addressed and schedule a meeting with the manager with your notes as the agenda and lead the conveslrsation, and follow up with an email recapping what was discussed and agreed upon to address and copy HR.

If this manager is not the type you could do this with, and they're insensitive and invalidating maybe it's time to jump ship and find a new opportunity that may be better balanced and have a more amiable manager.

Speak in facts not feelings, give stats and info that is indisputable. Offer solutions and if you have a question ask it and then be quiet. Don’t offer up the answer.

My response is generally along the lines of:
Of course I can take that task on. Which of these other tasks in my queue would you prefer I bump down in priority to meet the date you asked for? I will still get them done too, but their completion date will slip by the time it takes to complete this task.

Go to HR. Fuck that.

Only way to know is if other team members carry same load or less/more but still he’s projecting his perception of women and could be an hr issue. Try to respond with reason and logic. What someone said earlier about “what they are taking off if new priorities emerge.” Is there a standard of workload you can point to? In general try to remove emotion from the conversation bc they’ll magnify that in their heads as you being (insert female stereotype)

Instead of saying you're overwhelmed, etc., calmly tell your boss what else you have on your to-do list that will take priority over xyz he's throwing your way. If he sets x deadline, but you won't be able to meet it because you have other items to take care of tell him you cannot turn this around by then, unless you table some other things.. ask him what is more pressing so you can focus attention on that. In the event he responds: "Do it all and do it now." I'd kindly let him know he can't have his cake and eat it too, and carry on about my work in a reasonable fashion.

Have you tried presenting it differently? Instead of saying you are overwhelmed, ask your boss if you can have a discussion about prioritizing the tasks. Having that discussion helps them realize what is on your plate and helps you set the expectation of when things will get done.
It's also helpful to analyze what is overwhelming you. I previously had an employee that would get overwhelmed with the volume of emails because they felt the expectation was to respond to the emails immediately (this is even worse now with the popularity of Teams). I suggested she set aside specific times of the day to work on the must do tasks and close the email application during those times. For me personally, when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I find listing and organizing tasks and planning how to address them to be helpful. Communicating those plans to my boss helps him realize what's on the plate and reprioritize items if he wants them done sooner.

This SUCKS. I am so sorry this is happening to you. With that being said, everyone gave pretty great examples of ways to handle your boss in a strategic and professional way. I know it’s super frustrating to work in HR and hope that your boss will be empathetic and understanding as I’m sure you try to tell other leaders in your business to be. Unfortunately, we are still in a place where not everyone has bought into the “new workforce” and are holding onto the leadership style they’ve deemed as “effective” over the years.

One of the things I’ve realized about myself is that if I don’t have a supportive direct supervisor my work life is going to be miserable and I will not be productive. Just something to think about in terms of whether you want to stay in this role or not.

“I’d like to delegate some of these tasks to this year’s intern”

I am in the same boat. I work in a small school as the Office Manager. I am doing the work of an AA, Vice Principal, Dean of Students, and sometimes a Guidance Councelor. The new Principal expects me to do EVERYTHING and cannot understand why, when I get overwhelmed, that I get so upset. When I tell her I am overwhelmed and overworked, her response is always, "Why are you getting so upset? I do multiple jobs and I'm fine" or words to that affect. She does NOT do multiple jobs. Everything that she claims she does, I DO IT. The worst thing is she throws multiple jobs at me all at once, and then yells at me when the first thing she had me do isn't done. She then tells me I don't have my priorities straight and I don't manage my time well! She has said several times that she is having doubts about my ability to manage the office. I to her, point blank, then fire me. You have unrealistic expectations that I can never live up to. Then, on the other hand, she says she couldn't live without me. Whatever.

You need to flip the script.

OP can we get an update? What did you decide to do?