How do you guys find dating as a woman in product? I find that a lot of guys can be intimidated by a woman who runs or leads a team. It's almost like they get weirdly competitive with me once I mention my career. Or they want to quiz me on it 🤦🏻‍♀️. Anyways this single PM is looking for help please 🙏🏼.

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I've definitely experienced guys being intimidated by me/my career. I also have a loud personality so that might not help : ) But, on the other hand, there are a lot of guys who are sick of women who can't carry a conversation or want to rely on a man for everything. Don't waste your time with insecure men.

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I just don’t date anyone who’s not more career driven than myself and walk away at the first sign of rudeness or insecurity. Even if during the date I just get up and leave. I also enriched my solo life such that I’d be fine if I never find a partner

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It’s tough for men to accept strong women in general. Forget about dating even as a colleague or friend men end up mansplaining and think we need saving all the time. One guy tells me inspirational stories for no reason at all. 🤣

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In addition to the intimidation and the above experiences, I have encountered people who want to date me just to try to get me to help them break into product. I even helped one person out. Never doing it again. I have also encountered dates acting funny about paying as they assume that I am earning tons of money as a pm so I can afford to pay for myself or for the entire date.

These are now screens for me when going on dates. If I notice strange behavior related to the above I either ask them about it directly or I end it with them. Make this a red flag check for you.

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So dodgy. So sorry that you had to deal with such unfortunate people. I would only say take pride in where you are. That’s probably not a heartening thing (when you want to date) but positive for you. But hang in there, I hope the right one comes along soon enough. Loads of positive energy to you all.

uplifting

I know I'm oversimplifying here but... find yourself a software engineer! As a pm with a software engineer boyfriend I truly feel this is the best match to my pm self as far as skills/strengths go both at work and in life. I definitely don't have to worry about "making too much" or "competing"... We balance each other in so many ways

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Ok definitely going to check this out! I have some guy friends who are engineers, maybe they can set me up.

Definitely feel you on the competitiveness bit. I once had a man tell me he didn't think we should go on a second date because "it seems like you're not willinging to listen to other points of view." Meanwhile his point of view was that a PO was basically a customer service rep when it came down to it. Sometimes I swear they talk just to hear their own voice.

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Yeah I forreal dodged a bullet on that one. I could barely get through the dinner so I wasn't too upset about him not wanting a second date lol.

I've certainly encountered men who were intimidated by my success. Those were quickly dismissed. Fortunately, my husband admires and fully supports my career. Sometimes you just have to keep looking until you find the one that fits.

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Date outside the tech scene and they’ll say “you’re a what?”

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I think this might be the route I need to go down. Maybe dating people in tech is my downfall. Honestly would love a blue collar man so maybe that'll be my next shot haha. Thank you!

So my fiancé met me when I was still an engineer and he liked my intelligence ;). So there are men out there not intimidated (he’s a software engineer). Interestingly on my smaller product team, majority of the women product managers are dating engineers so maybe explore that pool of men if you haven’t?

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I’ve definitely met guys who were intimidated I earned more than them - some because it bruised their ego and others because they thought I cared about that. The first’s reaction just shows they’re incompatible and the second just need to be reassured you value them in other ways. Mostly, guys have liked that I’m independent, financially and in terms of thinking for myself. Good luck

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I’ve encountered a lot of men who are intimidated by female financial independence. They want to feel needed in some way and when you don’t rely on them for financial support they realize they need to offer more than just fancy trips, gifts and dinners. In my case I only have a bach degree from a top 100 school and i’ve met men with MBAs who are appalled I make more than them.

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And I've never dated another experienced PM but I'd also try that if I wasn't already happy with my SWE BF :)

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Maybe it’s because I’m an introverted nerd, but I’m a little surprised at the unanimity of responses here. I’ve never encountered a guy who wanted to date me and was put off by my success or my ambition. Just know that there are men out there who will 100% be happy for you and still secure in themselves!
(I will say, in my experience these men tend to be less ambitious themselves, which may be a turn off for some)

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Just take it as a red flag to weed out the bad eggs. Insexure men are intimidated by strong women. You're meant for better.

Immature boyz…. Don’t define your worth… keep searching.

Cheers Sol

I personally avoid dating within the same field. I find men in this field too much for me. I can't have a partner who competes with me often. That's just a personal experience.

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