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As an investment banker with similar income disparities (but not earning 800k) everything is 50-50. They can spend whatever they want unless it's a big purchase and then we discuss it (car etc). Remember one partner likely picks up a lot of the slack in other life areas when the other one works 100 hours a week.
Rising Star
Yup. In a very similar position (wife owns her own business and we have 3 kids on top).
We have a limit over which we discuss/plan. We both have access to all accounts an can see activity.
Wife doesn’t have a finance background at all so I took the time to teach her basics, talk to her about every quarter or so, etc so that she’s in the loop and doesn’t feel like it’s a black hole. Also, had a buddy pass away and his wife knew nothing of their finances. It was very difficult for them and definitely never want to put someone in/be in that position.
Rising Star
I’m married and my husband and I just share everything. It’s all the same money. Works super well and easily.
Are you talking about a marriage? Whatever I earn is my wife’s and vice versa. We’re married. None of this yours/mine bullsh—t. It’s ours.
Pro
Facts
If you want a prostitute, hire a prostitute. If you want a wife or husband, find a wife or husband.
I make $80K my wife makes $0K. I pay all our bills + all of our savings, all I ask is she doesn’t spend our money. It works
Pro
I fucking wish lol
Just combine your finances and make things easier. I have no idea what individual autonomy at the individual level that also sufficiently rewards one’s productive behavior even means. Everything is both of yours.
Agree with EY1. Wife and I don’t make the same but just all of our money in the same pot. We know what each is spending and hold each other accountable to be responsible. At the end of the day it’s all ours regardless of who makes what.
You won’t be married long with this mentality
50/50. When you are working 100 hours, it is taxing on your partner both in terms of responsibilities (cleaning, shopping, errands) and emotionally (it's easy to get stressed when your partner is stressed)
Pro
If I make 800k I’m paying 100% of everything and my wife could work if she wants to. Knowing my wife she will work and want to contribute.
Joint checking. Everything goes into one pool and comes out of that same pool. Plenty of autonomy and reward while respecting the union for both.
I work while my wife does not but she is the one who spends the money , she is not very frugal. But if it’s up to me, I would be fine living in a cave and saving huge portion. She spends time and money to make sure everything is tip top, house, kids, herself and even me lol.
Not to spur a Male v. female debate, but isn’t it weird? My wife could blow $500 a week on things she might use once. Alternatively, I agonize over a single $100 purchase
if i was making 800k i would pay for 90% of everything at least (unless the other objected and wanted to make more of a contribution).
with no pay difference it would either be 50/50 or more like 70/30 if one person has debts they need to pay down or need to save for a car/etc.
If I’m making $800k and she’s making $60k she can keep all of that, no worries
Look at all the dreamy accountants thinking what would happen making 800k a year 😹
P2 comment backfired
To clarify: Not talking about basic living expenses. Thinking more like “hobbies” on that remaining surplus $600k. Interesting concept to me because 1. It’s a marriage - 50:50 (end of talk) is a strong view but then also 2. If someone is working super hard and sacrificing a large proportion to benefit the whole leaving them with more for side stuff would likely make sense too. I feel like 50-50 could incentize someone to be a couch potato and pocket half, so pro-rata with effort is super fair also.
Agree. This is the approach we have as well and it works for us.
Depending upon the state you live in, the other will get 50/50 in the divorce but I'll ask this instead... do you really want to live a better lifestyle than your SO?
Family earnings and society have nothing to do with on another. 😂
Spouse has always worked so might not be helpful for one income homes but we contribute 75% income to a shared account and we each keep 25% in our own accounts for individual hobbies/spend. We're fortune enough that we both make enough that the 25% is enough for each person's wants/spend.
Do y'all like each other? Should it only be what you put in you take out?..it's love not an investment.also...also... It may not be 50/50 monetarily but if someone takes care of the house or the kids they are putting a lot into the marriage too. Maybe even just dealing with a spouse who works a lot and still expects love, loyalty and attention. Might be worth more than 50% sometimes not less.
But practically maybe just have a savings amount to hit every year that both of you can use for each other. Anything past that make a free for all or as you need it. Communication is key. But don't turn it into a shareholders situation 😂😂
My husband and I put everything into one checking account and use "sinking funds" for our own fun money. We each get $600/mo to blow on whatever we want, no questions asked. It works well for us. We are one team, so we don't pay attention to our salary differences.
As far as work hours differences: I tend to work more, so my husband cooks dinner nightly. We split other chores 50/50 and I'm the one who manages the finances, which I enjoy. It works well for us to have defined responsibilities. We don't trade off on anything, it's all or nothing.
We all have our stories, but there is no one universal answer. Here's mine for a bit more perspective:
My wife and I have very different salaries: $31k with great benefits vs. $87k with good benefits. She feels like she contributes "equally" to our partnership because the benefits are extremely important for us. For joint finances, most of our stuff runs through joint, but we also have $250/mo personal allowances for things we want to ourselves and/or things our partner doesn't want. Most of my allowance goes toward travel and bagpipe lessons, while hers is mostly for collectible items and digital entertainment. Meanwhile, we're paying for our restaurant dinners, Ren Faire tickets, and traveling expenses out of joint. The allowances have stayed at $250 a month regardless of our income differences. Our idea is "one person, one allowance", and she has some lingering scars from her parents using income & spending inequality to "score points" and gain leverage over each other and the kids.
That's a somewhat middle-ground solution that leans towards commingling, and it works great for us. If you wanted to do a similar thing with more independence, you might limit the scope of joint (rent, utilities, household expenses, vehicle expenses) and give large personal allowances for lifestyle. If you do something together, then pay for it on joint and have each person chip in 50-50. Expense sharing is simple; in our case, we can run it all from joint. Our personal accounts are electronically linked, and joint can push/pull from there.