How would you equitably split finances in a household (allowing for individual autonomy at the individual level that also sufficiently rewards ones productive behavior and respects the union)? How might this change if there is a significant difference in compensation and hours worked within the couple? Let’s say one partner is an investment banker making $800k working 100 hours per week and one is a teacher making $60k working 40 hours a week. Split 50:50? 100:40 (via hours worked?) Etc?

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As an investment banker with similar income disparities (but not earning 800k) everything is 50-50. They can spend whatever they want unless it's a big purchase and then we discuss it (car etc). Remember one partner likely picks up a lot of the slack in other life areas when the other one works 100 hours a week.

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Yup. In a very similar position (wife owns her own business and we have 3 kids on top).

We have a limit over which we discuss/plan. We both have access to all accounts an can see activity.

Wife doesn’t have a finance background at all so I took the time to teach her basics, talk to her about every quarter or so, etc so that she’s in the loop and doesn’t feel like it’s a black hole. Also, had a buddy pass away and his wife knew nothing of their finances. It was very difficult for them and definitely never want to put someone in/be in that position.

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I’m married and my husband and I just share everything. It’s all the same money. Works super well and easily.

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I guess this doesn't address rewarding productive behavior, if earning power is your measure of that, but we go with a flat and equal "allowance" that is totally discretionary with everything else going into the middle in the joint account. If you end up being a better saver, planner, or investor then you can go blow it on whatever without having to get any spouse approval.

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