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Thanks for posting the article. Asian woman with a Caucasian husband and 2 hapa kids here, the norm on the Westside. Reading that article brought back a lot of ugly memories about being harassed as a tall dark-skinned Asian woman who didn't speak a word of her parents' language or shared their cultural experience from growing up in a foreign country. It was more complex than just having a a "thing" for white males. My elders perceived my individual thoughts as disrespectful when these opinions did not align to theirs -- "You will never attract [an Asian] husband that way." When I continued to grow taller during college, my then Asian boyfriend with whom I got together with the summer after HS graduation began to feel resentment towards it, the reaction to which I was "asked" to exclusively wear flats vs heels. There was also the fact that my then female Asian friends were simply more physically attractive than me by way of being petite and with white porcelain skin, and/or they had the financial backing of wealthy parents that they did not have to hold 2 part-time jobs after classes so they can go clubbing in small suburbs for which the Asian men frequented. It was only after I decided to stop fitting into what I "should" be, pleasing those who wanted what they thought was best for me or walking away from those who claim my overall "American-ness" as my folly that I began to heal. Too dark to be pretty became, "Wow, you have a beautiful tan." Being chastised for being too outspoken transitioned to, "I appreciate your thoughts on this matter as I am looking for a partner to help in the decision-making." "You look beautiful in your heels." There are other examples, but in the end, it took a lot of self-reflection, self-healing, acceptance and/or empathizing with why others in my family or race treated me the way they did was what led me to where I am today. To read that others are still facing similar experiences to mine in this day and age just demonstrates that things still remain the same despite the baby steps made towards equality for all. We will still keep trying, though, with grace.
@grey op
I agree that asian women don’t have a “duty to date asian men” - that’s stupid and lame. Women should have the agency to choose who they want. I’m glad you’re proud of being asian - I do think a good amount of asian women who prefer white guys have some form of internalized self racism though. One of the reasons is “marrying up” - white guys are kind of seen as the holy grail in America. You’ve made it when you marry a white guy. At least that’s the message I’ve gotten.
Re: sweeping statements, from personal experience I only made that decision to date non-Asians after I was told that asian men are undesirable by asian women.
That’s okay with me because I realized that hating on asian women for dating white guys wouldn’t do anything. It’s just people playing the victim card and not doing anything to change their circumstances.
It’s kind of a liberal vs conservative view - institutions are responsible for all my problems vs pull yourself up your bootstraps.
It’s definitely tougher as an asian man to do it than say an asian woman or other men, but it’s definitely possible. I’ve always hated asian stereotypes so that’s why I hated math, engineering, and like being talkative and confident, not quiet and timid.
The quant data I referred to was just about how common asian women-white men pairings were. So basically I found that asian women marry outside their race most often, mostly to white guys. When I see an asian American woman (American part is important) I always assume she’s with a white guy and I’m right 90% of the time. Vs black women, Latinas, you can still see a good amount of them marrying members of their own race. That’s from my personal observations.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.inverse.com/amp/article/36379-tinder-black-women-asian-men-racism
Here’s a good article about how black women and Asian men are discriminated against sexually on dating apps.
Okcupid also has a famous blog about race and dating proving this.
It’s true that asian women overwhelmingly go for white guys. We all have eyes - the qualitative and quantitative data support this (such a strategist 😂)
As an asian man, I did learn this the hard way in college when asian girls that grew up in the suburbs (not the cities) specifically told me they only go for white guys.
So I just analyzed the dating market and said “hey clearly Asian women and white guys are a thing - time to get out of this market ASAP!”
So now I would never date an asian woman and just date non Asian women. Problem solved :).
Hating on asian women for dating white guys isn’t gonna change anything. That’s just dumb. I just have a problem with asian women when they make fun of asian guys and perpetuate stereotypes just to make themselves feel superior. Like great you like white guys I get it - I don’t care. But don’t be mean about other people.
To be transparent, I am an asian woman with a white long-term boyfriend. Personally, I have heard disparaging statements about this topic from asian men and family members who insinuate that asian women have a duty to date asian men - and if they don’t, then the women must have internalized racism. I love being asian and am very proud of my heritage. Additionally, my partner is white. I don’t think they are necessarily mutually exclusive. I also believe that asian women don’t owe anything to anyone.
@FS1, would you agree that sweeping statements about “not dating asian women” is similar to sweeping statements the asian women you talked to said about “not dating asian men?” And is that okay with you? Just curious to understand your POV. Also, do you actually have quantitive data on this? Would be interested to know your source.🤔
@SD1, thanks for sharing your experience. But are you saying that because the asian community rejected your (physical and personality) traits, you looked elsewhere for romantic affirmation and support? That makes me sad and also makes me rethink my outright rejection of people’s assumptions that asian women date white men because the women don’t identify with the asian community...
@grey op
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/online-dating-race-statistics/amp
3. Most Men Prefer Asian Women, Except Asian Men
So you know how people say there’s an exception to every rule? Well, it’s true in online dating as well. The Quartz Media graphic shows men of all races — except Asian men — prefer Asian women. Asian men respond more to single Latina women, marking themselves as interested 19% of the time.
According to OkCupid’s internal data, Asian men receive fewer messages and matches overall, so maybe they simply shy away from Asian women’s highly competitive online dating profiles.
It’s interesting that asian men overindexed on latinas - I suspect this is due to California skewing the average with high populations of Asians and Hispanics.
Re: asian men and latinas- I maybe over generalizing but I have anecdotally attributed that to asian dramas and culture being highly popular in Latin American countries. Asian men are also being fetishized in that fashion. I’ve personally have that happen to me many times.
I’ve never experienced this. I’m mixed, my mom Asian and dad white. The only thing that bothers me is when there’s a preference for white because it’s a perceived step up in our society. My best friends wife who’s Asian had to have a white guy which was openly shared and discussed. But to each their own.
I married a Mexican and her brother married a Chinese Panamanian woman. Whatevs, marry who you want.