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You are completely sane, however how old is she? 3? 6? 10?
Why in the world would he wait outside, leaving her alone in a men’s room?? If he’s waiting outside, why doesn’t she just use the women’s room?
She’s 5. She said the women’s restroom was full. So he told her to go there instead. He’s not an active parent—perhaps the instinct to protect a child only comes with experience… as we are educators and some, mothers. I shouldn’t have assumed he would just naturally protect her.
Even if the lady’s room was full I’m sure they would have let your daughter in first!!
He totally should have waited outside the stall. Not to be gross here but men’s bathroom are gross. Unless she was about to have an accident, he should have waited for the female bathroom. Also if she needed help inside a lady would have helped her.
Was there more than one man in the bathroom when she was in there? If not, was he standing outside to ask others not to come in while she’s in there? Did she actually call out to him and he didn’t respond or did he leave the door open a crack so that he could hear her? You are absolutely right with your concerns. Just make sure you get the whole story before you assume he is lacking concern.
I may include more details if necessary… I’m calming myself to address it with level-headedness…but am wondering if other people here are as careful as I try to be, or if this is a trauma response (whether personal or social) or if it’s a reasonable level of caution to expect that he stay in the bathroom with her. If the stall is too small, she stands outside where I can see her feet and sings to me. I stand outside of her stall and wait… I just can’t fathom lacking such a basic instinct…. But I could be wrong!!!
Whenever I took a class on a field trip and students had to use the bathroom, I checked to make sure all of the stalls were empty and no adult was inside. Then I stood out side the door. At a play I took my class to where adults and other students walked in and out of bathroom, I stood inside the bathroom to check on them. Because it is my job to bring them back in one piece. At a cafe a man left his baby in a stroller while he ordered. I tactfully said he should keep his child near him. He thanked me. Teachers are trained to stay vigilant. Parents on the other hand may be lax sometimes because they don't think anything could happen to their kids.
I get why he took her into the men's room. When you got to go you got to go. He didn't have a portable potty and she might be too old for one.
However he should have waited right outside her stall and talked to her to reassure her. A tragedy could have happened changing her life forever. I think you need to let him know when you are calm. Now if this wasn't just cluelessness on his part, or if he is insulted by your polite admonishment or it is a pattern of behavior or passive aggression directed towards you then you may need your revisit custody arrangements.
Rising Star
I'm so sorry!
Public restrooms especially men's restrooms can be unpredictable environments. It's important for a young girl to feel safe and secure when using the restroom. Having her father wait outside, potentially out of earshot, could be unsettling for her. You're not wrong to feel that way. Sometimes men are oblivious to the dangers of being a girl.
I almost fainted at first, but I think that the bathroom was empty and he stood outside to make sure that nobody entered while she was there. If not, he and she would have been in a bathroom of men using the urinals which is more disturbing than the option he chose.
I am so sorry that your daughter had this experience. It sounds like a rare occurrence (talking bad about your child's father). If you did it repeatedly or frequently it would be a problem. We all make mistakes in parenting. Apologize to your daughter and move on. Even married couples complain about their spouse in front of their children, which isn't good but it happens. The fact that you are aware of it should tell you that it was a rare occurence. It was a safety issue as well, so most likely warranted.