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Anyone ever heard of or worked for Sygnia?
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Rising Star
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Chief
Y’all are extra judgy in this bowl.
BCG > Bain or Bain > BCG?
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The new company I’m at now sent me an email from an email address that was HR@companyName.careers saying I was accepted for the position. They gave me paperwork to fill out and sign to accept the position
I fill out the paperwork and send it back to them and it goes through… then a few days later I go back to the email to say something else and I get this…?
Then today I got a check from the company In the mail to setup my home office, and it’s signed by someone I’ve never met before or heard of…?
What…..
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NTA. It’s his family and their tradition. It wouldn’t occur to me to pay in this situation, and I am very much a 50/50 person. Is he otherwise focused on money? Is this out of character? Wondering if his parents brought it up to him….
Yup, OP is fine and this whole kerfuffle looks bad for the BF and potentially his whole family.
Your boyfriend is investing in you and your relationship by including you with his family and paying for you often. It sounds like your bf wants to see more of an effort and gratitude from you. How much they make is irrelevant, you can find things within your budget (even treat them to ice cream) or make a dinner at home. It’s the thought that counts, and entirely what’s missing from you.
As far as having dinner too often, you’re an adult and you can communicate if you would prefer to skip this month’s dinner. I don’t think that frequency is too often in my opinion if you’re dating someone seriously. Getting to know the family better would help me determine if this is someone I want to be with long term.
Rising Star
They go 50/50. She pays for him outside of those dinners, as well as when they’re with her parents, so she is investing in him as well.
Sounds like there are a lot of assumptions about what the boyfriend wants or what’s missing from her because we don’t know what the dynamics are other than them seeing the parents for dinner occasionally. Maybe it is just their norm that children pay for their parents, while it isn’t for her. That’s fine.
YTA for sure in my books
You guys are going out every month. They pay all the time. How is that fair to them? Maybe pay once every 2-3 months. It's not about who makes the most money. I mean, aren't you trying to get married to the guy? Don't you want the in-laws to like you? Just be fair and pay sometimes. They won't make you pay every other time.
Tell your bf you always thought about offering but didn't want to offend you. Some men do not like that. My now husband hated when I offered. He would say that while I am alive, you will not pay. lol I mean, if it made him feel better, i guess. Because he knew I hated owing ppl and I always pay my share.
Make small sacrifices, it's OK. If you are not doing well financially try to save $100 a month and after 3 months you can take everyone out.
Did he use the word rude? If so, given that he makes so much more than you, this sounds manipulative. Like he’s trying to make you feel bad when you’re already in a vulnerable position as the youngest, the one who makes the least, and the outsider to their family.
This is an opportunity to talk about money expectations in your relationship. Maybe he just wants you to publicly offer. Maybe you pay occasionally since it’s meaningful to them (in that case, he should do the same with your parents). Maybe you bring dessert or wine or flowers as a token. It’s also good to talk about broader expectations in your lives together short and long term given he makes so much more currently.
But again if he called you rude, I recommend that you examine other ways he treats you and talks to you and whether it’s something you’re truly comfortable with or that you can resolve with him in your ongoing partnership.
In my culture we would NEVER expect a woman to pay...end of story.
Haven’t you posted this before?
Bowl Leader
I believe it was a different post. The OP of that post was covering the bill for their SO’s family dinner.
How many dinners have you gone on? Plan the next one at a more humble location and offer at least once?
I think it would be nice for you to pay once in a while, otherwise the optics look bad. Alternatively, if you don't want to pay, maybe offer to cook dinner for all of you rather than going out.
I offer and so does he. Our parents worked very hard so we could go to good school and have the high paying jobs we have now. It’s just a small treat and memorable occasion! It really doesn’t hurt to offer - they will most likely decline.
Maybe its a gesture? Like maybe buy dessert, or treat them with something within your means (or make something). The ides of gifting is strong in some families and this could be the issue. Make them cookies in a tin, it counts.
“Let me pay for dinner”
“Don’t be silly put your card away”
Tries again and refused
Job done
Boyfriend happy
Sounds like you’ll never be happy
Lmao if this is something your boyfriend cares about than it’s a small thing to do. It’s strange behaviour but might be a cultural thing for him.
You might find people in higher paying jobs often care a lot about money regardless of the context. Be warned.
Rising Star
NTA. He or they should pay.
Is your boyfriend asian?
M5, Indian parents would not let a younger person (would be DIL pay) or expect her to pay.
After getting married is a totally different story though 😁😁
I dont think he means to make you pay, its more about the optics. If thats the case, he should just give you the money before the dinner and u use it to pay. Problem solved.
You should at least offer.
Here’s the reverse situation. My dad‘s a millionaire, but whenever he comes over, I always pay for food for him and my family. I never ask him to chip in. I’m the one who’s inviting him.
Response was to the portion OP mentioned where the boyfriend and boyfriend’s parents are better off financially. Ultimately it comes down to who is inviting who.
Enthusiast
No, actually I would expect my BF to pay for my parents too. That’s just how it is in my culture.
Late to the party — but why not offer to buy a round of pre-dinner drinks or ice cream / coffee after dinner? It’s polite to try to contribute in some way especially when you’ve been the beneficiary of their hospitality numerous times
Pro
This
Sounds like for optics purposes, he would expect you to offer to pay sometimes. However, given the difference in income and age, I doubt they would accept your offer. It's more "the though that counts" mindset.
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You are not the asshole