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NTA. It’s his family and their tradition. It wouldn’t occur to me to pay in this situation, and I am very much a 50/50 person. Is he otherwise focused on money? Is this out of character? Wondering if his parents brought it up to him….
Yup, OP is fine and this whole kerfuffle looks bad for the BF and potentially his whole family.
Your boyfriend is investing in you and your relationship by including you with his family and paying for you often. It sounds like your bf wants to see more of an effort and gratitude from you. How much they make is irrelevant, you can find things within your budget (even treat them to ice cream) or make a dinner at home. It’s the thought that counts, and entirely what’s missing from you.
As far as having dinner too often, you’re an adult and you can communicate if you would prefer to skip this month’s dinner. I don’t think that frequency is too often in my opinion if you’re dating someone seriously. Getting to know the family better would help me determine if this is someone I want to be with long term.
Rising Star
They go 50/50. She pays for him outside of those dinners, as well as when they’re with her parents, so she is investing in him as well.
Sounds like there are a lot of assumptions about what the boyfriend wants or what’s missing from her because we don’t know what the dynamics are other than them seeing the parents for dinner occasionally. Maybe it is just their norm that children pay for their parents, while it isn’t for her. That’s fine.
It’s the thought that counts. It’s the manners. It’s the courtesy. It’s a gesture. I honestly think if you offered before he mentioned it, they wouldn’t have let you pay. You both may have just unlocked your first resentment that will linger on.
Your work at PwC. You def make enough to at least offer to split the bill with SO at least once a year to treat his parents. Yet, I don’t think your an a hole, just raised differently. Just think about whether this is something you can live with (his parents visiting once a month)
Rising Star
A2 - whats my perspective and opinion? I already stated that what’s considered rude varies by culture so I don’t see what your point is? I used my own scenario/example to show that not offering to pay isn’t considered rude or entitled in other cultures. That was it; I wasn’t claiming it was the right and only way.
Again - different cultures have different perceptions of what’s rude. OP is considered rude by some and not others but it boils down to communication between her and her partner and what they define as acceptable to them. If they can’t align then it’s best to part ways
Bowl Leader
I don’t think YATA. However, from your comments, it seems like you’re not really into these dinners with his parents, and that might be what’s bothering your boyfriend. That’s likely why he thinks you haven’t offered to pay since he probably feels like you are not making any efforts. Does he bring up things related to money a lot?
If I were in your shoes, I would have offered to pay after a few dinners because I’m not comfortable just accepting free meals from them and would want to balance it out by covering a dinner now and then.
Absolutely not, full stop.
He is thinking less of you
Not only are you NOT the a$$hole but he is. First off, I can’t imagine that going to dinner with your boyfriend’s parents once a month is all that fun. Frankly that’s a favor enough. In response to his “request” you can politely tell him that, while you understand his feelings, you are neither able nor inclined to pay for something you wouldn’t do but for him. Just like you don’t expect him to pay for your parents he shouldnt expect you to pay for his. Don’t listen to all the comments about being entitled. You are not entitled. This app is overpopulated with a bunch of incels who wouldn’t know what to do if a woman came up to them and said hi! They have this notion that they’re gods great gift on earth yet spend their free time ragging on women on this app. Stand your ground. Plenty of guys out there who don’t need to talk someone down to feel good about themselves.
As a man, my wife never paid and she came from a wealthier family than me. One time I offered to pay for the meal with my father in law. The look he gave me is burned into my memory. It said clearly "are you insane?" and I immediately put my CC away. My in-laws are well off. I'd pay with family and friends, but it's common for wealthier party to pay. My dad never let me pay either he's similar to my in-laws. I always pay for my mom.
I would never expect a GF to pay. Obviously if the girl insists on paying that is a different story, but it shouldn't be the expectation.
I can see why men don't feel the obligation to pay with dating culture being what it is.
That’s a problem, he’s your boyfriend. A real man and husband would never say that to you. They would always get the check. They would always ask to pay. They would always be generous and loving in that way. Get rid of your boyfriend.
DO1 keep your own definitions of things between u and your SO
Yes, OP, YTA. (Also, stop being so combative when everyone responds with answers to your question that you don’t like).
I wouldn’t say six years is way younger
Enthusiast
Your bf sounds weird op.
Rising Star
Sounds like your bf wants to be wined and dined by you. Not provider mentality. Gross
OP looks like you have your answer- your bf is a woman and you need to dump him.
Dating women sounds great, I wish that was my orientation. OP needs to dump the BF because he's being an uncivilized jerk... And if she caves it will only get worse!
Why are his parents not paying.
I once offered with a college gf’s parents. He pulled me aside at the bar later that night and said “never pull out your wallet again. One day you’ll have kids and you’ll be paying the bill. This it how it works.”
Sounds like they can afford it! Not all retirees are so fortunate.
Conversation Starter
He’s the a** not you
Run- giving red flag energy
You don’t need a petty weak man like that
I would every once in a while offer to pay for dinner instead of letting him always do it. Yes that’s his parents but if he is your boyfriend and y’all one day, I’m assuming gonna get married, they will be related to you so just offer and do it one time a couple times if necessary
Ugh. If he hasn’t once offered to pay for your family and then tries to call you out — I find this so odd and off putting. Seems he is forgetting he is a MAN and you are the prize. I’d ask him where this is coming from and see what he says. Then raise how for you this isn’t culturally familiar and how he hasn’t paid for your family when out with your parents.
You can certainly offer to pay once or twice - as a gesture. But if he / they take you up on it and he barely ever or never pays for you / your fam (50/50 doesn’t count)…. Well then he’s a woman as others have said
Calling men women because they don’t pay for you is childish at best
Boy bye