I am about to undergo IVF and I am nervous about balancing work around the monitoring schedule and procedures. Would love to hear any advice you all have about navigating this! How much information did you divulge to your boss/HR? How understanding were they?

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Zero. Tell them nothing. Women often feel like they have to justify absences and, by law, you do not need to. Offering reasons opens those reasons up to judgement. You may think they will be understanding bc it’s a worthy goal, but, trust me, some people just can’t see beyond their own noses. Best advice my mother ever gave me was to “leave them wondering.” If they are unsure of what’s going on then they tend to be a bit hamstring. Use that.

Tell them you “have some personal appointments coming up and you’ll keep your calendar up to date to reflect times you will be unavailable.” Then make most appointments early am (most clinics have this option). And if you have to be out or late or when it’s retrieval day, just send the note that you are out and don’t fuss about what they think.

Source: 69 total appointments, mostly at 7:30
Am, never told a soul at work. Nobody noticed a thing.

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I love you! 💪🏼

Don’t apologize. Don’t be a people pleaser. Do what you need to do for you This will be good practice for the boundaries and self advocacy that will be essential if you want to be present in any way while raising little(s).

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Interesting. 8 years ago I took a very different approach. I was interviewing for a rotation and promotion internally at Publicis and I decided to tell my soon-to-be boss. I said “the week you want me to start is the very week I get pregnant ideally” and went on to explain that my IVF transfer was that week. I told her I’d have many dr appts following that procedure and hopefully taking maternity leave within the first year. You know what she said??? “Well I’m happy for you and this is a long term relationship we are starting.” I was shocked. And I didn’t believe her. I was certain I would have the baby and likely never return to work. But I’ve been working for her now for 8 more years (she’s still my boss) and under her watch I’ve had two children after 3 IVF’s. She knew everything… my late mornings due to dr appts, my hormone reads, she was the first to know I was pregnant, and she was my BIGGEST cheerleader. I pray for this for you and anyone going through this. A boss that is your champion in work AND life as you pursue motherhood. It’s rare but it exists.

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Exceedingly rare. I was a boss like this but I never worked under one myself and had to force/trick mine into letting me be kinder than she ever was. Sometimes all it took was framing it for her in a way that made her see what a dik she was being. Sometimes I had to conspire with HR.

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