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Do you want someone to tell it how it is or hold your hand and lie to you? There are therapists out there for either one willing to take your money.
At the same time though, it’s possible to “tell someone how it is” without being offensive and/or rude. As a paid mental health professional, the therapist should know that distinction.
If OP is uncomfortable, he or she can find another therapist that does their job without being hurtful. The whole point of therapy is to learn, grow, and overcome trauma and negative behaviors, not make you feel even more beaten down and small.
Obviously therapy will always be, to some degree, uncomfortable; but if the issue was the therapist’s tone (not the message), then I think it is completely understandable if OP would rather look for someone else.
Therapy is about improving yourself. And a part of that is being given advice and insight that is beneficial to you. And while the truth needs to be heard being told it in a way that won't benefit you isn't helpful.
So try to understand if it's the delivery or the message. If it's the message you need to deal with that. If it's the delivery maybe that person isn't for you.
I don’t think a therapist is supposed to be negative; if you feel you are being judged I would look for another one.
It might depend on why you're there. My therapist was kind and gentle about everything in the beginning but I started therapy due to a sexual assault.
Over time she has been harsher with me on different topics. Usually if it involves things I have control over or choices I made that I knew I shouldn't have.
You might try another therapist though. If you're aren't comfortable opening up progress is going to be difficult.
Its okay to change therapists to a style that you find to be more receptive. My sister tried a few therapists before she found one she liked.
As other people have said you dont want a therapist that will just take your money and lie to you but you also need a therapist that pushes you to be a better person. Its a delicate balancing act. However, I do believe delivery can make or break whether you shut down or really listen to their guidance.
Best of luck!
Finding the right therapist for you is like dating. It’s not always a good match with the first one you find. If you don’t feel she’s the right fit for you then look for someone else but you may want to give it more than one session. Therapy is inherently uncomfortable for a lot of people, so it might not all be her.
My therapist has described her style as “direct but gentle” and I think that works really well for me. Definitely agree therapy is about improving but if I have any setbacks we’ll discuss and think about different strategies that may work better and what the underlying driver of the behavior is so I can tackle it better - feels like we’re on the same team vs being criticized. I also struggle with being too self critical so I don’t think a critical therapist would be beneficial for me so may be worth looking for someone who is a bit less blunt in their delivery of advice/ways of improvement
Maybe you should see a therapist about the way your therapist treats you.
Therapists have different approaches. She may not be a good fit for you, or objectively she was direct with you because you needed to hear it bluntly. If you’re making excuses or rationalizing something they may opt to just say it like it is to make sure you hear it.
Find a new therapist or consider whether you need someone to be blunt with you. Your call.
If she made you feel extremely uncomfortable, you can definitely search for another therapist. Not every therapist is a good match for your needs, preferred style of communication, etc. However, I will say that therapy is not fun; it’s hard work and it’s supposed to challenge you. I’ve been in therapy for 2 years and there are still days that I don’t want to go because it’s challenging and brings up things that I don’t want to talk about. But I know that I need to go to improve my overall mental health/quality of life.
Depends what’s she saying. You are paying her for a reason
Also, not at all to assume what kind of obstacles you might be struggling with, OP, but I would like to invite you over to the Depression and Anxiety bowl :)
It’s a pretty open and kind bowl over here! You might get some insightful responses there as well.
https://joinfishbowl.com/bowl_y029tr
Did you ask for an assessment? Not sure how long you've been seeing this person, but unless you asked, seems off for them to have shown off their therapist skills with a flat out assessment early on.
Regardless, if the fit is not right, find someone new. Don't give up on therapy tho!