I am considering becoming a SAHM after 10 years of practice. I have a great job - I am a non-timekeeping attorney in big law (strict 9-5), make good money, and feel valued by the firm. However, the work isn’t satisfying and recently 90% is AI nonsense. We’ve been struggling to find trustworthy childcare and I wonder if I’m going to regret missing this time with my child for meaningless work, especially since my income isn’t necessary for us. Has anyone done something similar?

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If my income was not necessary, I absolutely would stop working to stay home to be with my child. Or at least try to go part time.

likesmart

Same - completely. I only work out of necessity and I’m currently trying to re-calibrate our lifestyle to become work optional sooner

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Very personal decision. I went back to work after my 1st child, and my husband lost his job 2 years later. I’m glad I worked because I was the primary breadwinner and my husband ended up staying home. You never know what life will bring. My kids know I was there for them whenever they needed. I’d advise keeping your foot in the door, in some form (not necessarily law), because it’s hard to get back in, but ultimately you need to do what is right for you and your family.

likesmarthelpful

9-5 is a ton of time away from a young child. I worked very PT when my kids were little and found that it was a good balance. It enabled me to pivot back when they got older. Staying home completely will likely change your family dynamic and distribution of labor in ways that are extremely difficult to change later. I would only stay home FT if you are comfortable being the default parent for the rest of your kids’ childhood and are confident you will never need to work again.

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This is a great point to consider - Thank you

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I think a lot of this is personality dependent. Both of my parents are attorneys but my mom became a SAHM sometime between child #2 and child #3. She did all the essential tasks and more (was on the PTA, volunteered a lot, shuttled us to various extracurriculars, cooked dinner every night, etc.), but I got the impression she found it terribly boring, and when I was in middle school and high school she'd sometimes talk about maybe wanting to go back to practicing law. She had a wide social circle so she wasn't starved for adult conversation, but I think she missed the intellectual challenge sometimes. While I am very grateful for everything she did for us, being a SAHM didn't make her a better mom. I actually wondered sometimes if she'd have been a better mom (or, at least, if I would have had a better relationship with her) if she'd continued working.

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Of course! I'll also say that there's a lot of discourse around "I don't want a nanny raising my kids." But I had a nanny growing up, and she was literally like my second mom. She passed away when I was in middle school, but one of the things I am most grateful for in my life is having had that relationship with her. I never felt deprived in any way because I had a nanny, and she was such a wonderful person who really enriched my life. I'm grateful for having been able to know her and have that close relationship with her. And if anything, I feel like she facilitated better relationships with my parents (she played mediator with us sometimes whenever I'd sulk or whatever, normal kid-parent conflict). Just food for thought!

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I did it! I was in BigLaw and the breadwinner. I’m a SAHM now. I decided it was the life I wanted to live. My advice is go for it if your income is not necessary and you’re a non-track position. You could probably always get something like that back down the road if you really wanted.

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Now that I have a toddler I am constantly daydreaming about scaling back, even though I loved my role a few years ago. What kinds of non-timekeeping roles exist in Big Law? (I was a BL associate for a couple years, IHC now, and a BL strict 9-5 sounds great to me.) I just worry that in reality I’d actually end up resenting taking on more of the household duties and miss my professional identity… and can’t imagine going back to FT after children are older (but maybe financially I wouldn’t need to..)

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