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38f. No kids. Not planning of having one. Just want to FIRE. No regrets.
Child free life is underrated! I made the same decision for many of the reasons you list. We need to normalize this conversation!
I think having kids can be lovely if you have a great partner and plenty of financial resources to support your recovery and still "have a life" after motherhood. I just think it's not for me. The reason why in the last few years I thought about it was social pressure, not my actual desire
Not looking for DMs or anything 😂 just wanted to share this reflection. We live in our own minds and we create sometimes this type of milestones that only bring anxiety and don't let us enjoy the present. Same vibes as when I hear all those graduates talking about their plans to make partner by 30😁 or own a house by 30
the biggest lies we tell are the ones to ourselves.
I feel the same way as you, and I agree it has taken a lot of the pressure off with dating. It feels very freeing.
I think it can be difficult when you choose a different path and deviate from the one that most choose. The social pressures and expectations are real and many look at you like there's something wrong with you because you decide on something different,
I've heard the 'selfish' accusation being flung around like a frisbee for women opting to not have kids, Men, on the other hand, who choose the same thing never seem to be accused of being selfish....at least not that I've ever heard. So, there's a double standard when it comes to women and kids because the general expectation is that they are nurturing and should want kids. If they buck that box, then the reason must be that they're being selfish because why else would women opt to NOT have kids?
To that, I always ask, is it selfish to know what you want and then live in alignment with that? Will any of those people expecting you to have kids, care for you or those kids in any way? Provide for them in any way and for life? Support you for life when you're having a hard day or hard time with your decision? And who are those people that you should care about anything they have to say? Because the decision to have kids is a life decision, not something you can take back once you take the plunge.
What I find selfish is to have kids because you believe they will fix the problems you're having with your spouse. What's selfish is to have kids because you want them to be your best friend or fill some void in your life. What's selfish is to have kids so you can gain approval of others who just so happen to have kids. What's selfish is to have kids so that you fit in with social norms and expectations.
I've seen far too many people who've had kids that should never have had them. They're horrible parents and the kids end up suffering as a result.
So, it sounds like you've put some thought into this.
The bottom line is that you must know yourself well enough to know what it is you want and don't want. Only you can make this decision for yourself.
I've always known that I didn't want kids. There was no timeline or clock or desire whatsoever to want and have kids. I had a bad childhood and understood that I didn't have the patience for kids and would be a bad parent like my parents were. I didn't want to repeat the cycle and I didn't want the responsibility or the tragedy of treating a kid the way I was treated.
I've grown and I've healed since that time, but my desire for kids has not changed.
So, whatever decision you make, you don't need anyone else's approval. You just need to be ok with it.
Thank you VE1! I agree. For the good and for the bad, I'm so used to do whatever I want whenever I want, that I think I wouldn't be a good parent. I've not even had a pet because I know I travel too much to be a good pet owner... I think it would be really hard for me to give away all that freedom and the peace and quiet time at home that I so much value, since my 8-6 is hectic
Damage on mental health, career and body? Who traumatized you? Many women with kids are thriving, it’s ok to just not want kids but projecting these fears is not it. Either way wishing you the best, send us a note when you are 70 to 80 and alone 😊
Not triggered doesn’t bother me yall are the ones triggered by my response, could have read it and moved on
I am old fashion, but I dated outside my race in college that provided me insights and challenges. When I graduated, and moved to another part of the country, I met my then future spouse in 1980 at a local roller rink, and got married 2.5 months later, and reaching our 45th. During our dating, we communicated about our lives like college, career, and each other. Also, I get to be close to her dad, who is Chinese that I knew it will be a challenge. In this relationship, I presented my business card to him, where he said you can date my daughter, Getting his blessing, and realize we are in synch, we decided to get married.
Not trying to impose my values on you, but you should really interrogate this thought process to see if it’s either coping or your genuine feelings about the topic. If it’s genuine, more power to you, if it’s not. I think you’re setting yourself up for a future reckoning.
Wow I’m proud of you, let’s normalize this, not everybody is meant to get married or bear kids btw, so I’m on your side lady
Pro
do not normalize this. single women keep women single.
I don't know what the big deal is with relationships these days i wish I knew what the f*** I was talking to. But anyway, there is good people, not everybody is the same. That's a fact. I was raised, right? Thank God I was raised. That not everybody's the same. My Grandma raised me and my brothers, and then when a good guy or girl does find AA relationship. They always get screwed over the good ones.Always get a shrewed over