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After 2 rounds of interview (1 hour each) , Deloitte usi hr is telling me that due to organisational restructuring the offers are on hold. Got a salary discussion call last Thrusday (no pre hire survey) . Last working day in a week. Any suggestions? Cloud Data engineer CBO unit Deloitte Deloitte USI
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I’d simply say, “Oh that Z meeting discussing Y initiative? Yes! I was there and am actually the lead for that initiative. I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts about it” a little passive aggressive, but might convey the right bit of “stfu” 😉
This. He probably thinks he is in a higher position than you and thinks he is doing you some sort of favor letting you in on intel he is privileged enough to have heard.
I wouldn't even be that nice. Especiallly if its a continuing problem. Tell him, "thank you for your interest in my specialty/ initiative/ project. If I have concerns or inquiries you might be able to assist with, I'll be sure to ask you."
Agree. As someone who made the mistake of doing the opposite.
There was a viral story about the women in the White House under Obama who began amplifying each others voices and a team strategy. Google it. I implemented our own version of this at the time, where we call other people’s mansplainers out in real time. It takes the pressure off of you and everyone kinda laughs when someone else (who maybe isn’t in their reporting line or even dept) says “yeah she knows that because she created it”.
https://www.vox.com/2016/9/14/12914370/white-house-obama-women-gender-bias-amplification
“Let me Google that for all ya’ll” 😅
“I’d like to have a conversation to understand what you think my role is here, and clarify those expectations.”
Works every time.
That also works! It’s also probably a little less cruel than the psychological warfare of making them recite to you what they think you do (especially if you’re higher up the food chain), when they know they’d better be very careful about how they answer that question.
"Thanks, Chad, I am aware we discussed xyz during our meeting last week. I don't recall you being in attendance. Were you there and I just missed you?"
I see all director-level people answering this. Please, director-level women, when you see this mansplaining coming from a male director-level colleague down to a woman who is an associate or more junior person who is highly capable and maybe even smarter than that director-level guy regarding the topic that is being mansplained about, please help that woman. I had to leave my last job under this awful environment and no director-level woman would help. Everyone pretty much said, “Live with it. He’s a partner.” The moment a subordinate questions this behavior, it is the start of being out the door, no matter how diplomatic she is. That subordinate has nowhere to go and really needs the help of her advocates.
I deal with this pretty much all day long and then I sometimes go home to it 🙄 (the eyeroll emoji was probably created just for women). All mansplainers have different drivers/triggers, so you will have to figure out what his are and why he is so hellbent in standing in your way, blocking, gaslight/belittle you, inform/misinform, or even in a werid way trying to support you. Sadly this can not be resolved via HR or escalation, you need address directly with your mansplainer, but in order to get his manexplanation on WTH, you may need to understand what reaction/male emotion you are actually trying to address or it could backfire. The things I have seen grown men do out of fear or when they feel threatened…
Honestly, if you have a good relationship just go straight to the point. I'd say, Tom, do you realize I'm on those meetings or leading these projects? If he says yes, then great, no need to explain it to me. Thank you.
If he says no. Then further explain and let him know you don't need updates- you and your team have it.
Totally feel for this. Deal with this all of the time with the finance “bros“ and me being the only woman. Constantly see someone who is two levels below me but also a direct report of my boss as well, mansplain things, and essentially take credit for things that I am involved in as well that he has a small part in. Basically makes it seem like his job is much bigger.
And, of course, the boss always sides with him because he’s the bosses BFF, basically.
What I did wrong here before I realized it is make an offhand remark to my boss about it, which came back tenfold to me that I “ get upset about the little things”, and can come across as “petty”. I literally only commented on this one time, a year ago, and now it comes back in every single performance review. So end result is be very careful how you approached this, and who you approach it with.
I would pull this MF aside after such an incident and ask him why he feels the need to mansplain your own projects to you? Should make him feel adequately uncomfortable. And I would call it out publicly if he does it again after that little chat. No time to baby insecure men, we're not their mothers.
Some of my favorite mansplaining shut downs I heard was “Are you trying to better understand this topic for yourself? I’d be happy to explain it to you if you need validation “ or “Sounds like this is new information to you that you are excited to share. I’m happy for you.”
I get this a lot, working in a male dominated field, especially men explaining analyses in meetings that I or my team have done (while I’m sitting in the meeting with them). Not sure if this is the most constructive approach but I usually wait for them to say something incorrect about the thing they’re trying to explain (I’m the expert after all, not them) and then I turn the explaining back on them. “Well actually, [generic white man name], the analysis showed XX” or “the model is set up to do YY, so we will need to do ZZ to get to the answer you need.” I just state it as matter of factly as I can and move on. It’s probably a little embarrassing for them but also makes them think twice about whether to explain or ask when that situation comes up again; I’ve seen reformed behavior over the longer term.
Two meetings ago, I personally apologized for talking over every team member who talked over me to make them think about the space they were using. Last meeting, with this same team, no one talked over me. Thought I’d gotten through to them. Come to find out, my female boss spoke to the rest of my team about talking too much lol.
My boss (and mentor) tells me I’ll be dealing with this for the rest of my career and “she’s done very well for herself being underestimated”. The most successful women I know really over-do the gratitude to mansplainers, “omg thank you so much for appreciating the initiative my team and I are implementing. Do you have any suggestions for improvements? Do you want me to help you strategize implementation of a similar plan for your team?” Easier said than done, I still feel like I’m going to lose it every time. Fing hate it.
While this kind of behavior is never limited to one age - is he older or younger than you?
Yes all the time! What helped me was letting them know I was in the same meeting and meetings minutes with attendees marked as documentation helped a lot. Or sometimes I’ll politely respond “ thank you , I was in the same meeting”. Good luck !
Don't lose it sweetie, it happens sometimes.