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I think you need to plan your exit. You hate your husband bc he clearly hates you! Staying with a person who treats you unkindly will hurt your child wayyy more than you leaving with your self respect, dignity, and peace of mind.
Sure therapy sounds great, but do you really want to be with someone who chooses to treat you badly rather than seek out therapy for themself? I’m not a fan of parenting grown men and having to convince them to treat me with a bit of empathy.
I really wish women would stop subjecting themselves to abuse for the sake of keeping a man. Idgaf what his reasoning is, he’s not a safe space and needs to be left alone until he can figure out how to properly communicate and regulate his emotions.
So many lives are lost to time and violence due to giving the benefit of the doubt where it isn’t deserved.
One evening when the kids are in bed and you two are in a relaxed mood, ideally on the weekend, you should express all of this to him. Not in a pointing finger / attacking kind of way but genuinely expressing that his words and behavior aren't supportive and even worse, they affect you negatively, drain you, make you feel ___. Share an example or two (like you did here) that are especially bad. Then go from there—see if his attitude changes or if he's open to doing better. I always like to ask, "What do you expect me to do if you do this again / keep this up? What would YOU do if you were me?"
I try not to gaslight myself, but I often find that my spouse has some unmet needs or something else is really bothering him when I force him to have these conversations. It can be eye opening for both of us.
Seriously consider marriage counseling. My husband and I are starting on online thing this week. Sometimes men suck at communication and emotional intelligence.
They are the weaker of the sexes, lol
I’m beginning to wonder why I’m still with him. He’s making me more miserable than I already am. I finish a busy day and I dread having to look at or hear from him.
But then I look at my 5 year old and I feel so sad that she’ll have a broken family if I leave him. Not that it’s not broken now. I’m so sad I can’t give her a happy healthy family that she deserves.
My two cents: it’s jealousy and something tells me his own job/career isn’t going the way he wants it to be. I’ve been in a similar position myself- my husband lost his job back in April and I recently got promoted to SVP with a lot of other great things happening for me at my work. But, it’s been the most difficult summer of my life balancing being a mom and dealing with a husband who scoffs anytime I’ve had to work late and or mock anytime I didn’t cook dinner. I have at times felt more loved at work than at home, so I get it.
It HAS gotten better (he’s inc his depression meds) but, my guess is this is more about him than you. Maybe try to figure that out before planning an exit. If he’s done enough emotional damage it may not be reparable but if you find the source it may change how you feel.
Feel free to DM me- we are still a WIP and at times I have resented him, but I’m trying to also be understanding of his current state. Marriage is a rollercoaster sometimes.
Oh I’m so sorry to hear this! Such a tough spot to be in. Have you thought of any therapy? Couples therapy worked wonders for multiple couples I know. Also I just wanna slap him for you and be like you do the time and then the payoff comes later. So YOU husband have to step up and help out if you want me to further my career. But he doesn’t seem like a good support system for you. You need a partner. Glad you have wonderful friends and colleagues but man sorry your partner isn’t showing up for you. Sounds like he needs some therapy. He should be supporting you 10000%. And when you have to take on more work I would expect him to be stepping up and helping more. And it should go both ways.
Therapy? Deloitte has free session from the mental health program. I have been using them for years and even though my partner and I don’t have huge issues, it’s good to have a recurring placeholder in case we need.
Was he coming from a place lack of empathy or lack of communication skills? He could be trying to say “you been working so hard lately and please relax “ but come out completely wrong…
Narcissist?
I second therapy. If he’s unwilling to participate or make any real changes, ask yourself if you would want your daughter to tolerate the same treatment you are tolerating. That is the example he is setting and even though I understand her not wanting to grow up with divorced parents, you also don’t want her to grow up thinking his behavior is normal.