Is it wrong to be slightly disappointed that my family knew I’d be having my wedding in Los Angeles (we are from the Midwest) and over half are telling me they can’t make it now? I know some just can’t financially do it (kids, school, can’t get off from work, etc) but for some I’m like okay I thought you would try…I get married next month and told them about the wedding January 2024.

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I get it, it hurts but don’t completely write them off for not coming. Some people may be embarrassed to say they just don’t have the money (even the ones who you think have the money).

Enjoy your wedding. Focus on the person you are joining with for the rest of your life.

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In this economic climate, destination weddings are exclusionary and you need to not take it personally.

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Just focus on the people who are there and the ones who gave you something on the registry.
Forgive everyone else for what they couldn’t do or give.

That sucks - get a new family

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She is -- her fiancée's family

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I mean Jan 24 was too long ago and most likely I’d even forget it. Did they confirm they’d come back then?
At this point you should try to lower the expected people in catering and maybe downscale the venue and get some of your money back.

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I told them about the wedding then but sent out save the dates March 2025.

So sorry to read this. If you sent out actual invitations, did they confirm, and now they're backing out? Is this considered a "destination wedding", do you live on the West Coast now, or is your spouse's family from there? We had a few tables of friends and workmates at our wedding, and within 5 years, only a handful kept in touch with us. As for your family that refuses to travel, eff them, remove their contact info from your devices, and have a great time at your wedding.

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Just my mom and sibs he has a lot of family

The one‘s who could make it have shown you their true colours. You are not valued, they do not care. To overcome further disappointment focus on who is coming, work on making it the best wedding for you and all your guests. Ignore those who cannot make it, let them get on with their lives and you get on with your wedding. If anything this is a lesson that teaches you something - you cannot rely on others when it comes to happiness and fulfilment.

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You are 100% correct.

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California is expensive and times are tighter now. I would do the ceremony in California and small informal reception in the Midwest (potentially a second reception if needed)

The reality is you are going to be around these people in one way or another for years to come.

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And by informal I mean have it in a relative's house or back yard. No program or speeches. Have a BBQ or maybe a potluck. Don't require any gifts (no gifts required, we just want to see you!) Serve some basic drinks (waters, sodas, beers), maybe from ice chests. Shake some hands, hang out there for the night.

Maybe people will want to decorate a little. Maybe they will still want to bring you a gift. Be gracious if they do, but leave that up to them. Involve the family in the planning.

A few hundred dollars on a plane ticket and couple hundred more on some food will pay dividends for years to come.

I of course do not get to tell you how to feel.

But I will share some perspective. When someone chooses to have a wedding out of state, you are choosing to impose a burden on your guests (who are probably also providing -- I hope! -- a nice wedding gift).

So, maybe worth reflecting if you've set up the conditions for their responses.

Would you consider keeping your wedding "as is" but also have a ceremony or celebration back in the Midwest? It could be something very simple like a barbecue in the spring at a public park, or a meal at a restaurant. This is a way to show people that you love them and want to include them.

You chose to have your wedding in an expensive place.

And I almost felt bad that your gf was having an emotional affair with her male friend

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