My father is an alcoholic.In Jan 2025, after we pushed him for a month, he attended AA for 1 mon but started drinking again. Now he drinks nonstop for 2–3 days at a time& has become more violent.We are scared he might do something. Last month,one week after my marriage, he gave my mother a black eye while drunk.My mother and wife are scared to stay home alone.An AA senior advised forcibly admitting him to rehab for a month.Has anyone tried this?Did it help long term?Any other advice? Pls help
Go to Al-anon - involuntary commitment depends on the state of residence - in FL it is a legal process called Marchman Act - as far as for him it probably won’t stick long term if he doesn’t have any desire to stop but could buy you all time to organize your affairs to set up different living arrangements
I don’t want to take the easiest option as an only son to leave him alone. Neither can I leave my mother with him. Will rehab help? We suspect it might turn him more violent. Is it possible? Also I’m from New Delhi India
Sending him to rehab is better than not doing so. But the alcoholic has to reach their own "bottom" before anything is effective - rehab, AA mtgs., etc. The bottom is typically reached via consequences, but the extent and degree of consequences varies highly by the person. His spouse/your Mom certainly shouldn't be living with him, and may even want to consider a restraining order. As others have said, yourself and your Mother getting involved with Al Anon is the best way to seek guidance on what to do and how to navigate this.
The point remains he won’t stop until he wants to stop, it doesn’t matter what medicines you’ve mixed with food (?) or angrily asking him to stop. None of it matters, it’s a disease.
I suggest you stop worrying about how it willl make your family look and just gather your family members up and leave.
I agree. Thinking of giving rehab as final try. Otherwise I will have no options but to leave with my mom and wife. My mom is not onboard with leaving my father because of societal norms and morals.
I am surprised to hear that someone with time in AA suggested forcing rehab. The stark factl is that a real alcoholic will not stop drinking until they themselves are in enough emotional pain to want to stop, and they will wreck every single relationship in a big way with no guarantee of ever stopping.
I've been sober long enough to see frst hand how alcoholism decimates people's lives (my own included), and that is speaking to the ones that actually did get sober. There are countless others who never make a meeting or rehab, and they chase that alcoholic insanity to the bitter end.
I know that you mean well, but there is absolutely nothing that you can do to get your Dad sober. I suggest that you prioritize your mom's safety, amd if your Dad lands himself in jail due to his own behavior, that just very well may be where he finds the gift of a moment of clarity sitting in that cell drying out. Even jail or prison isn't enough to get many alcoholics sober as evidenced by all the stories I've heard over the years.
Do not put your mom or yourself in harm's way thinking you are helping your Dad, you aren't. I agree that Al-anon would be good for you to hear it from other families who have already gone through where you are at today.
For situations involving alcohol-related aggression, prioritizing safety and involving medical professionals or structured rehab programs is usually more effective than forcing alone, since relapse can happen and ongoing support is important. You can also check 1800Wheelchair reviews https://1800wheelchair.pissedconsumer.com/review.html where people discuss home care aids and how they choose suitable options. If you’re looking for more help, that page might be useful.
Yes you have to do something. And protect your wife and mother from his drunken violence. He needs counseling. He could eventually do something far worse. Safety first. If you love him you will set a boundary even if it means leaving him.
Rehab won't cure him of alcoholicsm if he doesn't have interest in stopping drinking. It will just buy you time to extricate your other family members from this situation. Go to Al-anon
Leaving is the last option. I don't want to take the easiest option as an only son to leave him alone. Neither can I leave my mother with him. Though we have collected photos. Police ain't much help as they will ask us to resolve it internally. We suspect it might turn him more violent. The AA mentor mentioned that forcing him into rehab would be a way to show that you're not weak and you can put him in rehab to protect family. As a newly married (less than 1 month) , ! can't simply get my father arrested as it will reflect very bad in front of my in laws family and my wife.
Also in most of the cases in India, police will ask yo resolve it internally
It sounds like you’re enabling him
Moreover we have tried all the other stuff- forcing him to go to AA, medicines to stop drinking by mixing in food, emotionally and angrily asking him to stop. Things have been deteriorating every month now