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Do as I say, not as I do

I have received offer from Shell and SAP labs is in final stage salary discussion. Shell is offering 6 lacs more than @SAP labs. I have tried to negotiate a lot from SAP but they are not ready. They are putting conditions like give your full commitment to join then only we'll release offer letter. I am currently looking for work life balance with growth. Should I join @SAP considering its a Product based and good WLB and learning? Teck Stack - Java/Micro-services/cloud YOE - 11yrs
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Longest dry spell? Single people only!
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Love isn’t magical, no matter how movies portrait it to be. You don’t just magically stop being attracted to other attractive people just because you love someone. And it doesn’t magically heal your insecurities and needs for attention. A relationship requires efforts and commitments. You would exercise your discipline and self-control to demonstrate your commitment to the relationship. You would avoid putting yourselves in situations where you could easily be tempted to cross the line, and you would make sure you don’t take actions that can jeopardize the relationship.
No, it’s not a red flag, it just means you are not perfect. What you need to ask is whether you have the maturity and the discipline to commit.
Very well said ❤️
Do you see your current relationship as "the one?" I don't think people stop looking at others all together but it sounds like you are worried about it. Has your SO noticed? Are they concerned?
She hasn’t said anything about it, no. She does, however, have trust issues generally. I think they stem from my previous life which I was completely honest about (lots of dating, lots of women in my life etc).
I would say if your partner is not noticing/feeling bad about it, and if it’s not affecting YOUR feelings about the relationship or towards your partner, then it’s ok. It’s normal to want to feel desirable and wanted by others and to have those feelings reaffirmed in harmless ways 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you. That’s helpful. I was wondering if this is just harmless self-affirming behaviour or if it was truly a red flag for me.
You have a drinking problem dude. I’d get that solved before I go thinking there’s a problem with the relationship.
Fair point.
Prior to my current girlfriend I was single for a few years. I loved going out and meeting new people, women etc.
I find that when I go out drinking, I still take notice of attractive women and seek their attention in subtle ways (eg mutual glances). I have no desire to approach them at all.
I am self-aware of the issue and I’m looking for guidance.
I’m wondering if this is normal human behaviour or is it a red flag?
I think she is - I can see a very long and happy future with her, and I want her to be the one. I don’t think about other women at all day to day. It’s only when I have a few drinks and go out that I find myself seeking subtle attention.
It bothers me because I’m worried if it’s a sign that I’m not committed. My head and heart tell me I’m fully committed but I wonder whether this type of behaviour says otherwise).