My partner refuses to go to couples counseling. It's been years of me suggesting and them shrugging it off. I've offered to let them choose the therapist and make it once a month. Still, they avoid any conversation of it. Any advice on how to handle this?

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I guess I would advise you to figure out how important it is, communicate that to them, and then prepare for the outcomes of that. Is this a make or break thing for you? And if so, I would say to prepare for how serious you want to take it. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink kind of thing. Even if they do go, will they take it seriously?

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My ex husband was also unwilling and when he finally agreed to go he only showed up physically, he put absolutely no effort in. After spending too much time and effort trying and hoping for change which never came, I finally left him and have never regretted it or looked back.

I'm sorry to sound so brutal, but a partner who is unwilling to actually be a partner, to participate, listen, or work on the relationship isn't a partner. It speaks volumes, they don't respect or love you enough to put an effort into your relationship so why continue putting up with them with blind hope? Divorce is scary, but spending the rest of your life settling for someone who doesn't love or respect you is worse. My advise: Get out.

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They? Them? How many are there? 🧐

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Why don’t they want to go?

So I agree I’m sure you have asked why, but if you can work with him 1:1 to understand the root cause of why he doesn’t want to go that can be helpful. The reason I say this is we are all raised differently, our parents have different marriages, what we view of success and failure in marriage is very different too. So maybe an example of why he may not want to go is because “counselling” may feel like marriage is failing and he can’t or doesn’t want to accept that, he may feel you can just simple fix the challenges without external support. (Not saying this is the case just an example).

Have you told your spouse about the issues that you want to address in couple therapy? If not, please do so.

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