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We have shared goals for next year to build a healthy family foundation and have kids in 2026. He has a significant amount of wealth and security for himself and can do his part in achieving this. For me to be successful at this, I have to leave my job that is unsustainable for raising a family and which I’m on partner track for, so the opportunity cost is high for me. I’m not willing to commit my financial opportunity for our family without commitment from him that he will support my and our family’s financial security… of course we hope to never pull these papers out but people change, and I don’t want to be at a life disadvantage in the event all h*ll breaks loose. Well intentioned couples never get married thinking they will get divorced.
10000000% OP. Well done for going in eyes wide open.
DM. I tend to agree, but Prenups can also cover what happens if one spouse dies and there are children and the remaining spouse remarries. And designating separate assets can also also have tax benefits with estate planning and gifting. It's not all about how we split stuff if we get divorced.
Discussing financial things beforehand is a good idea whether you sign a prenup or not. And you can keep assets separate without a prenup, it just makes it clearer.
Also if one or the other has children and/or considerable assets, a prenup is advisable. You want those kids protected if something happens to you.
Thanks. This is really helpful. We’ve only been at it for two weeks and the process has been torture, but I’m starting to get my arms around it now.
I do not know your age, how long you have dated, whether you currently live together, nor when you are getting married. So, take this with the caveat that the answer to those questions could change this advice. And your having a child in 2026 might fit within this opinion.
There are stages in a relationship. Each has its purpose and feeds i to the next... courtship, engagement, marriage before kids,pregnancy, marriage after kids, empty nest. Do not rush through the marriage before kids. In general, when you have multiple life changing events ( even if they are all positive) it causes enormous stress. Not sure when in the timeline you are quitting your job, but that is a big one, marriage is a big one, negotiating this prenup, moving in together, getting pregnant, having a baby.
I view a year before you get pregnant as the minimum time a couple should spend on building their together mode. Putting those positives in the bank for when you need to withdraw them. Solidifying how the unit works, doing couple stuff,
Stats show (after finances) that the single biggest predictor of divorce is having a baby within a year of getting married. It's a major stress on the relationship. Neither of you are ever first, for a very long time. I haven't seen the stats separated by age. So I don't know if older couples are more immune.
I got married at 38 and had one at 41. It's not so much that we waited, in that we hadn't really thought about it. I was lucky I blinked and got pregnant. Hoping the same for you 😉. Good lucky and happy life!
P.S. I think part of the secret (besides good genes) is not stressing over it. I have several friends, one who even went through fertility treatment, and when they de-stressed and quit trying, they got pregnant. Doesn't mean don't tract fertility, etc. Just don't stress over it.
you should both have your own lawyers. sit in a room all together and both of you have a list of the assets you personally want protected. go over it all together so you can discuss anything you do and don’t agree with and then let the lawyers do their thing to make sure you’re both protected and both have someone going to bat for you
We are on week 3 of things and discovered that we qualify as a complex prenup because of the way his assets are divided into different investment accounts and that I need some of that set aside in a way to grant me security as we establish a healthy family foundation (ie supporting fertility health, stepping away from work to focus more on family etc). Guessing we will be at this for another month at least
I must be old-fashioned, because if I had to have a prenup before saying "I do," I wouldn't. I think prenups give the impression that this is a temporary thing and limits or ensures what one party will receive when they inevitably walk out the door. Try this prenup: I promise to be with you, through good times and bad, until one of us dies. If you cheat on me or hit me, you go first. Then keep your promises.
Everyone already has a pre-nup. It’s the default laws of your state. If both of you don’t like the default laws, you can make your own to govern your relationship. Things can get complicated beyond infidelity that can be addressed in a pre-nup. I fully intend to stay married until I die, but if something happens, I want to give myself and my spouse the gift of easy resolution.