Since I started working I keep sending money to Africa every month. There is always a situation that needs to be solve and they keep coming. I feel like my entire family is using me and I am only the bank . People only call me when they need money, but never about my health, mental or just how things are going. When I go to Africa, everyone expect gifts but noone will bring me one (not even an avocado or manga that I like so much). How do you guys deal with this issue? Cause it needs to stop..

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I haven’t had or needed to send money but on the gifts front, my mom flat out told everyone (family & friends) that they shouldn’t put that expectation on me and that I’ll gift whom and when I want.

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That's good from your mom.

Gifts i do but no regular money. I started and at some point in became an obligation so i stopped. It was causing too much anxiety. When i go home i buy things for them other than that when they reach out and first thing they ask is how i am doing i just start listing “financial problems” i have and thats all they do not ask anything

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Ohhh that's good!!!! The problem is some of them see me progressing in my career through LinkedIn etc. But definitely something to add. Complain like everyone about the money issues as well

I.e: due to covid, we had a reduction in salary to make sure all people stay at the firm. Right now i am having difficulties taking care of some of my bills and I am trying to see if I can get a loan. - another one healthcare insurance cost went up as a result of covid. - i have my iphone 6 that i have been not been able to replace because money is tight right now lol. Those are some of the excuses I used lately most of them stop asking. If you do not stop now they will just keep asking. They do not get tired in Africa

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Thanks Pwc1. Definitely, it won't stop. I need to use those excuses specially with this covid situation.

I am African ( Ivory Cost) - I realized a long time ago that I wasn’t God. Every single time I wasn’t able to give money, I felt sick and sad but noticed the person who was sick all of the sudden got the help they needed and survived. I was like : Hug ? So I wasn’t necessarily the answer to their issue? After that, I started blocking people who didn’t know my son name or what I do for a living. The more I blocked the happier I became ( OMG)... It feels so Gooooooood...

I give, I have a budget of $200 every month to give. One month I may give $500 and another $0. I definitely do not exceed that budget.

Anyone who calls me, I say : Ooh my dear, I wish, I could help. I don’t have it but God is capable. I pray he provides for you. Isn’t he the one who can do all things ? Ps «  am not religious except for these situations « 

I can help someone open a business, grow one, I do not give away money for no reason.

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Unfortunately, this isn’t unusual. I have found several ways to approach this: not buying gifts when I go home; turning down invites to bar, clubs etc where I’m expected to pay for the Moët and fanciful wines that I don’t drink; telling everyone about credit card usage and how it fuels trips home and folks return and work their butt off to pay for these trips; not always answering calls; reminding them about state of the job market etc. this and more seem to work for me....

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Just tell them. Let them know that life in America isn't all it's made out to be. Let them know you'll do your best for them, just can't do it financially.

Just my perspective, but not in your situation (although some of us born and raised here go through some similar situations with friends and family).

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